by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
This summer I had the luxury of a one month vacation in beautiful Vermont where all signs of my daily life were far removed. It gave me the chance to hike, kayak, golf, swim and cook (an activity I seldom do but now have grown to love.) I also had the golden opportunity to stay quiet and contemplate what matters to me in life, both on a personal and professional level. In the busy world I live in, managing a home, working with parents, children and teachers, babysitting my granddaughter twice a week and caring for my mother who lives alone, staying quiet within myself was a true gift. I managed to stay in the moment most of the days there and take in the many gifts of nature, good health, laughter, and friendship with my husband. I knew that when I returned to my hectic routine of life I would be facing a more difficult challenge, how can I recapture this karma in a more stressful environment? This will become my year’s goal---- a new beginning.
September and the onset of Rosh Hashanah always remind me that I have the chance to glean what I have learned from my past experiences so I can carry that with me on my daily journey as a wife, mother, educator and caretaker. By staying in the moment this summer, I was able to reflect on the philosophy of what I have tried to achieve as director at HJC Nursery School through the years. Perhaps I can simply say that I have attempted to show parents that educating the heart is far more valuable than educating the brain. In our school, we try to do both at the same time. In reading a letter on line written by a mother of five children, she wrote, “the brain gives one knowledge but the heart gives it direction and enriches life in a way that logic alone cannot. In the end, it is not the genius (the brain) but wisdom (the heart) that wins out and makes our life fulfilling.” Educating the heart is done by teaching children life’s lessons—the overriding principles that govern our lives and builds good character. We have a chance as early childhood educators to develop qualities such as honesty, kindness, integrity, unselfishness, and being a willing and diligent worker. We can teach children to reach out and help others, learn conversational skills, and last but not least, develop the lifelong art of making and keeping friends.
Over the years some parents have questioned us about our nonpressured approach to learning. I have done some research this summer on the impact of stress on children in a classroom setting. I have always felt that when you create a relaxed, loving environment for children and put out a wide variety of materials for them to explore, you create an atmosphere for true learning. A neurologist/teacher wrote, “neuroimaging studies and measurement of brain chemical transmitters reveal that students’ comfort levels can influence information transmission and storage in the brain. When students are engaged and motivated and feel minimal stress, information flows freely through the affective filter in the amygdala and they achieve higher levels of cognition, make connections, and experience ‘aha’ moments. Such learning comes not from quiet classrooms and directed lectures, but from classrooms with an atmosphere of exuberant discovery.” Our classrooms at HJC have been set up so that children can learn naturally and lovingly from a stress free environment filled with materials that excite children to be creative and scientific.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.” Through the art of play, we combine teaching the brain and the heart. When children roll balls back and forth to each other they become aware of cause and effect. This is basic physics. It is also teaching children how to be patient for their turn, how to share one object, and how to develop rules for their play. When they hum, twirl, and spin, the patterns for music, song, dance, reading and mathematics are being laid down in their brains. When this is done in school, we have children take part in these activities in both small and large groups giving them a chance to learn from each other that there are many ways our bodies can move. Our cooking time in class each day, although it is fun for children while they exchange recipe ideas with one another, gives them a perspective of what chemistry is like. They get to see liquids turn to solids and vice a versa. They learn why breads rise when yeast is put into the recipe. They discover that mixing oil and water just doesn’t come about. At our cooking sessions, children get an opportunity to learn about nutrition, what foods thrill some of them while others turn away. They also learn that each of them are unique and have different preferences. We ask children each day to be diligent workers working together to clean the room. During this part of the day, children help other children do their chores so that they can move on to the next activity more quickly. They are asked to serve snacks, water plants, feed classroom animals, and show guests who visit their classrooms what they do during their busy day. Teaching the heart and the brain are clearly intertwined in every aspect of our curriculum.
Our society has put such pressure on children to learn and get good scores on standardized tests that will one day get them into great colleges. Our parents need to know that children learn best when there is a healthy balance between work and play. Children work better, learn better and grow better when there are healthy periods devoted to self expression mixed with learning the basics. We must honor this period of children’s lives by not hurrying and preparing them for the next stage of life before they get a chance to take in life’s lessons during their early stages of development. Helen Keller said it best when she said, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” It is our goal as early childhood educators to ensure that children in our school achieve trust and independence, initiative and belonging, competence and diligence and an awareness of the needs of others. Success in life is not the product of acquired academic skills, but the product of a good heart and healthy personality.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
When I was a little girl, Sunday morning was the part of the week I loved the most. It was the time my dad, who worked six days a week, made time for us to feel like a family. He would make breakfast, put music on in the living room and entertain us with his incredible gift of humor. On some Sunday mornings, he would get dressed like Carman Miranda and do the funniest interpretation of her performances. We would listen to music by Sophie Tucker, Alan Sherman, Mel Brooks, Victor Borge and Carl Reiner. My father would tell us funny stories of what he was like as a child and how he handled the most stressful times in his life by turning them around with a joke. There was no question in my mind that humor was the best medicine for what ails you.
Children have a natural ability to see the funny side of life. All you have to do is watch their faces when they witness a slapstick situation on a cartoon or a clown doing the most bizarre tricks in a circus. At our last ice cream social this past June, the nursery school hired Melony Mouse, a lady dressed up in a mouse costume, who for 45 minutes did nothing but slapstick humor with puppets, music and magic. The children never stopped laughing and neither did the adults lucky enough to see her in action. Humor helps children release the stress in their lives. It allows them to see that there is a lighthearted side in all situations. It teaches children that when life hands you lemons, you can always make lemonade.
Sadly, some parents, in an effort to teach their children to be responsible, may inadvertently squelch them with too much seriousness, mistakenly equating teaching responsibility by being too stern and hard working. Parents need to take time to play silly games like follow the leader, Simon Says, or Crazy Eights. Parents can add silliness to any time of the day. My husband used to make pancakes shaped like animals so my daughters would have to guess what they were. I would write jokes in their lunch bags so when they were in school they would remember to use humor to lighten their day. Many years ago when Forrest Gump was released, my family enjoyed seeing it together After the movie, my husband told the children he was going to run and get the car. What they didn’t expect was that my husband, in front of everyone leaving the theatre, ran exactly like Forrest Gump around the whole parking lot until he finally found the car. It was a sight none of the people that day will ever forget, including his wife and children.
When children come to see the school for the first time, I tap on my humor to get them relaxed enough to observe all the fun things happening in the classrooms. I usually ask them how old they are. When they tell me that they are four years old, I tell them that I am four years old too. They look at me and smile. Sometimes I get a child with a natural inborn sense of humor who will come back to my statement that I am four by responding, “No, you’re not four, you’re 100.” That’s when I need to dig real deep inside and find the humor in that statement. Sometimes I tell children who have Power Ranger shirts on, that Power Ranger’s favorite food is Power Ranger pizza pie with peanut butter on it. First they look at me as if I am crazy. Then they smile and once I see that infectious grin, I know that I have them relaxed enough to trust me as I show them the school.
I must say that during the teenage years, it is quite challenging for parents to find humor in any situation that involves their children. I was lucky to have married a man whose main goal in life during those trying years was to make his children see the light side of life with him. One day while we were visiting Jamie in college we passed a group of people that she knew and warned her father not to embarrass her. That was the wrong thing to say to my husband. She sent Jay to get some take-out food from a local restaurant. No sooner did he arrive with the food that Jamie noticed her father had two straws coming out of his teeth as he seriously asked her if she needed something to drink. All her friends thought Jay was so cute and funny, and it took several minutes later for my daughter to see the humor. It was many years later that she thanked my husband for always making her become more relaxed within herself and take time out each day to laugh and have fun.
The gift of humor is not about teasing or taunting someone because they are less powerful or different. It is a genuine expression of joy at the ironies and pleasures of life. Without a sense of humor, life can be tedious, colorless, and a terrible burden. People who use humor are usually good communicators because they have the ability to see all sides of a situation. They know that making a mistake is not fatal. As parents it is incumbent upon us to introduce our children to the gift of humor. Did you hear about the little girl at the HJC Nursery School who so proudly invited her grandmother to the Thanksgiving Day Feast? The little girl said, “Oh Grandma, I can’t wait to have you see the Naked Americans and the Pilgrims.” We are so lucky to have children who are naturally gifted with humor share this gift with us each day.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
It has been ten years since I wrote my article on “Turning 50” and can’t believe that I am about to turn “60” years of age. These past ten years have flown by and much has happened in my private and professional life. I have been very blessed to see the birth of my granddaughter, Sadie, have both of my daughters select a profession that serves young children and their families, become more active than I was when I was a teenager as I now hike, swim, lift weights, roller blade and golf. I had the blessing of spending five years catering to my ailing father before he died, which enriched my life immeasurably. I spent valuable time with my family and many friends as they gave my life meaning and definition. I traveled to Europe a great deal these past years and spent many pleasurable weeks in quiet spaces on mountain tops. I read much and escaped in movie theaters throughout the New York area. My staff and I studied Judaism together for two years and then visited Israel where my inner spirituality was embraced. I was very fortunate to find a wonderful woman to care for my aging mother when I cannot be there and I have made peace with all the things I know now I cannot control. It has been a wonderful journey, for I have, as Elizabeth Kubler-Ross once said, “learned to get in touch with the silence within myself, and know that everything in life has purpose. I learned that there are no mistakes, no coincidences, and that all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
I always felt lucky that my birthday fell out right on or around Thanksgiving. I was fortunate to be born with a positive attitude and see life as half full not empty, so as a child, I couldn’t wait to get to the Thanksgiving Day table to tell my family, when they asked, what I am thankful for. I went on forever. I am still that way today. I see much of my life’s disastrous scenarios as a spring board for what I can do better the next time around. I am certain that my mother was the one that taught me to be resilient and optimistic so that I would one day lead a more productive life. She showed me by example that good things in life can last a long time and would have a beneficial effect on everything I did. The bad things that happened to me were always isolated, would not last a long time and would not affect the other parts of my life. I can remember when I ran for a position in the student body in high school and my best friend decided to run for the same position. She won and it was my mother who said right after the election, “Although this one moment is disappointing, remember that you will have many other times in your life that you will shine and become a leader, make sure you never stop trying.” It was a great message, one of many she imparted about seeing me as someone who can be successful in my future endeavors. She gave me hope and that is a gift I will treasure forever.
As parents, our biggest responsibility is to prepare our children for life-physically, emotionally and mentally. We can ensure that our children become successful human beings by helping them develop a positive, hopeful attitude in life. In a recent article I read about instilling hope in your child’s everyday life, the author C.R. Snyder, Ph.D. who wrote the book “The Great Big Book of Hope: Help Your Children Achieve Their Dreams,” stated that high-hope children consistently do better in school and sports. Children that might not have superior abilities will succeed because they set goals and are hopeful. “Children with strong natural abilities, who do not have hope, can have difficulty in achieving their dreams.” Thinking hopefully is something that children can learn and parents can teach.
There are two types of ingredients parents can instill in their children that will help them achieve their goals. One is “waypower” thinking, a belief, according to C.R. Snyder, in our ability to come up with routes to reach our goals. “When children confront obstacles and set-backs, hopeful children believe that they can think of ways to get the things in life that are important. Alternative plans and flexibility are crucial for waypower thinking.” The second ingredient is “willpower” thinking. This is the part that allows children to see themselves as someone who can come up with clear goals, discover the ways to reach desired goals {waypower} and have the motivation to use those routes {willpower}.
When parents help children learn that they can make things happen, they reinforce the concept of waypower. A simple positive recognition to a baby who is rolling a ball back to you on the floor for the first time, is a small example of a parent encouraging causal linkage information. One day, the rolling of that same ball will lead to a game of catch. That is the reason that children at two years of age love to ask the question, “why?” so many times. They are fascinated with “this leads to that” waypower lessons. When children get older, we can encourage them to state their goals as best as they can and then help them break down the steps it will take to achieve these goals. Remember to speak with your children if the first step they take to achieve their goal is not successful, tell them that the experience they gained from the unsuccessful try will provide valuable information to other routes that might work better for them.
Parents need to praise their children whenever they show courage and determination in trying new things. You are their best motivational coaches. This will help develop their “willpower” thinking. When a two year old learns to jump, run, or go to the potty for the first time, play the “credit” game by asking him, “who knows how to run, jump, etc.?” Your child will be more than happy to say, “Josh can run or Josh can jump, etc.” Allow children to make mistakes such as when they are trying to tie their shoes for the first time, or put pegs in a peg board. Don’t be too quick to help your child. Make sure that you teach them the process of learning, not the actual achievement of their goal, is far more rewarding. It is always the journey of trying to achieve new goals that should be praised. Make sure that you remind your child of the book, “The Little Engine That Could.” Even if the little engine had failed to get the toys to the children, he was a mighty train for trying.
Last but not least, listen to your words when you set your own goals. Children will be learning much from how you tackle new tasks and what route you take to accomplish your daily and long term goals. Your language will provide positive role modeling if you try new things with a sense of eagerness, passion and excitement. Life is an adventure and your waypower and willpower will be powerful models for children to learn from. Take time every night before children go to sleep to recapture the blessings in your day and then give them a chance to see some of their own blessings. Write them down so children can see that even if they had a difficult day, there were things that went right for them. I remember someone saying to me, “I am thankful for my large heating bills because it means that I am warm.” Now that is a positive place I hope I can get to one day! There is a great story called “Life Is What You Put Into It” and I would like to share it with you. It will best reiterate that people who are happy and successful believe that life should be 10% happenings and 90% attitude.
A little boy tells his Grandma how everything is going wrong. School, family problems, severe health problems, etc... Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake. She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which, of course, he does. “Here, have some cooking oil.” “Yuck” says the boy. “How about a couple of raw eggs?” “Gross, Grandma!” “Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?” Grandma, those are all yucky!” To which Grandma replies: “Yes, all those things are bad by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! It’s up to you to take life’s ingredients and make them into cake. Have fun trying.
It was George Bernard Shaw who said, “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” Right on George!
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Chanukah is soon approaching and children will be hoping for all the items that were put on their wish lists It is also a time when parents have the most control in directing positive behavior in their children. I can remember my own parents saying to me right before Chanukah arrived each year, "If you don't behave, you won't get what you asked from us for Chanukah." When I was young, I can remember doing more chores around the house in the month of December than any other time of the year. My parent's use of "Chanukah" rewards to get me to do the things I refused to do at any other time of the year worked like a charm. Unfortunately once Chanukah ended, so did my participation in doing the chores. I am not a supporter of materialist rewards for children but do believe there are far more worthwhile ways of getting children to behave.
We all know that children are not born with an automatic knowledge of what is appropriate to do and what is not. The reason why parents feel that rewards work is because if they give recognition to behaviors that are pleasing, the children will do them again. Unfortunately, when monetary or gift rewards are used, the children do the desired task for the wrong reasons and many times, particularly when children get older and smarter, they learn to up the ante. The use of rewards is almost universal today in our homes, schools and workplaces. It was B.F. Skinner who examined the effect that rewards have on behavior. He concluded that rewards fail for many reasons: they punish, rupture relationships, ignore underlying reasons for behavior, discourage risk-taking and undermine interest in the task at hand. It is said that when teachers introduce rewards, student's performance is reduced. Rewards such as stickers or candy only worked on a short-term basis and did not improve the quality of the student's work. Once the rewards were stopped, so ended the student's extra effort in participating in the task.
So what are parents to do when their children are successful on the potty, do the dishes, rake the leaves, etc.? The answer to that question is- natural consequences. It boils down to the "When-then theory" of behavior. When a child does something, then something is going to happen. "Consequences," according to Stephen J. Bavolek, PhD. "can be either pleasant or unpleasant." When a child acts in an appropriate way, he receives a reward which is a pleasant consequence. If a child chooses to act inappropriately, then a punishment is given, which is an unpleasant consequence.
I clearly state at many of my parent support groups that I am not a believer in monetary rewards or punishment. I do believe that children need praise as their reinforcement to help them learn what acceptable behavior is and what is unacceptable. Recognition is more than enough of a reward for most children. For example, Josh helps clean up his toys before going to bed. The reward is a simple statement or recognition by the parent. "Thank you Josh for making it easier to go to bed in a timely fashion." You might feel even more excited about what Josh did and add in a reward that makes more sense to children, and that is a reward of your personal time. You can add to your recognition of what Josh did by saying, "because you cleaned your room so quickly, there is more time for us to read a second book before you go to sleep." Sarah helps her mom put away the groceries. Mom replies, "Sarah, your help really meant a lot to me and now we can get to the park much faster." When younger children are not responsive to doing chores or tasks, parents can simply tell them that when the job is done, even if the parent has to help as well, then there is more time to do something together. Nothing is a greater treat for a child then the reward of having one on one time with a parent. All children look for these moments throughout the day and here is a way to give it to them.
Another quick and extremely effective tool for rewarding children when they act appropriately is a gentle hug, touch on the shoulder, a kiss, and a back rub. Touch, is a helpful tool in developing a healthy social and emotional growth in your child's life.
Parents must be careful not to praise children conditionally. Some examples include: "Anabel, you did a great job going to the potty by yourself, mommy really loves you." "Alex, if you don't brush your teeth, mommy is not going to love you anymore." "Michael, until you clean up your room, I will have nothing to do with you." Conditional praise st: ~ pushes children to feel confused, anxious, and attached to the parent. Many times, this type of reward creates oppositional behavior, power struggles and periods of distrust.
My rule of thumb for praising a child effectively is this, describe behavior. "Jenny, I see you put all the blocks away, wow, that must have been a lot of work." "Billy, I now see a clean table after you washed it with a sponge." Make the reward statements simple and descriptive. Sometimes you can simply say the word "wow" to describe a child's effort to do a task. Make sure that your positive recognition is sincere and not manipulative. Children can pick up insincerity very quickly.
Natural consequences work best when children do inappropriate things. If a child speaks in a disrespectful tone, a parent can simply say When you can speak to me in a tone that is kinder I will listen Until then I cannot hear what you are saying There is no need to threaten a child with taking their T.V. privileges away for a month, since that, for one, has no relevance to the crime and doesn't allow the child to own or change his behavior. If a child hits a parent because he didn't get his way, a simple response is, "I can see you are angry and disappointed that I didn't give you a cookie before dinner, but I am not for hitting. I need to move away from you to keep myself safe until you can get yourself back in control." This is a great time to teach and practice deep breathing techniques with your child that will slow down the anger and allow him to quiet the upset.
It was Tom Cash, an executive at American Express who said, "Human beings need to be recognized for special efforts. You don't even have to give them much. What they want is tangible proof that you really care about the job or task they do. The reward is really just a symbol of that." There is no better reward on earth for young and old, than hearing the words, "thank you I really appreciated your effort."
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Twenty-three years ago, I was told that there was an opening for a directorship in the Nursery School at Huntington Jewish Center. I was teaching the four year old program in a nursery school not too far from where I lived and where my daughter Jodi attended. It was a job I wasn’t looking for but it became a position that changed my life forever.
The Nursery school had been a parent co-op at the time and all the classes were operating on their own. There were only 60 children enrolled and HJC was not only looking to expand the numbers, but to organize the school so that there would be new ways to bring families enrolled in school into HJC’s vibrant synagogue life. I was impressed with the warmth and vision of the board members who I met. At the time, Yvonne Cohen was the only four year old teacher and Susan S., who is still teaching two year olds here, was the only toddler educator. There was one three year old teacher who was leaving and basically, the school needed a fresh start.
Those of us who remember the building before the renovation recall the rooms being smaller and not as airy. We shared our space with the Hebrew School as we do now but closet space was a rare premium. I shared my office with the youth director, and did all the secretarial work. I was director, secretary, accountant, and diaper changer for many years.
With the help of Yvonne, Sue S., Phyllis F. and many other teachers that started with me, there emerged a strong philosophy and curriculum that all of us on the staff felt comfortable with then and now. All the teachers belonged to the Board of Jewish Education and attended the wide variety of workshops that helped us work toward our goal of providing Jewish children with a well rounded and developmentally appropriate curriculum.
Our reputation began to grow and with more students coming to HJC we added additional curricula programs, including music, dance, creative movement, and mommy and me. Summer camp, which was run by Yvonne, also continued to grow.
It was at that time that the construction of the school wing was greatly needed and with good reason. The construction of new classrooms helped boost our enrollment as parents loved the spacious and airy environment which housed a small kitchen and bathrooms for children. Our numbers, which originally were 60, now swelled to 160 and our mommy and me classes went from one to four. Some of the parents who were with us when the school was small missed the intimacy of knowing all the parents, but there were many parents who loved the vibrancy of our expanding population.
Due to the growth at school, I was fortunate to secure a full time secretary, Bernice R., my own office and a suite of rooms that would link me and the Religious School director. The Religious School director at the time was Cindy D. who was also Family Life Coordinator. She was responsible for encouraging me and others to attend a conference at the Whizen Institute in California. The conference encouraged all the arms of the synagogue to be interconnected in new and meaningful ways. Cindy also began a program called Bagels, Blocks and Beyond started by the Suffolk Association of Jewish Educators. Bagels, Blocks and Beyond, helped parents get in touch with their own Jewish identities and learn to practice some of the traditions that the nursery school was taking part in at school. As a result of the schools’ growth the nursery school board was developed and was comprised of nursery school synagogue members. The board became my right hand and helped me develop the annual Chanukah parties, Purim carnivals, breakfast get- togethers, mystery movie nights, Challah sales, and more. Through their generosity of time and spirit, playgrounds were constructed and many necessary items for the classrooms were purchased.
Through the years our school has increased its enrollment to include families of other religious affiliations and nationalities. We have also become an inclusion school encouraging children with special needs to be a part of our daily routine. The teachers have all taken workshops on early childhood special needs. We are involved in writing reports for school districts on the progress of these children as well as attending meetings to coordinate services for the child at school, home and therapy sessions.
Our music program has become one of excellence because of Cantor Carol. Cantor Carol has broadened our Jewish repertoire of songs and added a family Shabbat sing-along bringing all the parents together to welcome Shabbat. We have loved her guitar playing and love for the children who can’t wait until she comes to teach in their class.
The reputation of our school grew throughout the neighboring communities because of our excellent teaching staff. HJC’s teachers became mentors to many teachers and many of them have won awards for their work. As a result, three years ago, we were selected to be part of a two year study program that would not only raise our teachers’ knowledge base on Jewish history and traditions, but enable them to travel and study in Israel. We grew stronger as a staff as a result of this prestigious honor and have remained close till this day.
It has been an honor being part of HJC’s history. I have been privileged to know thousands of families who have entered our doors. Many of them became synagogue members and many of them kept their friendship long after they left our school. Our staff became the first ambassadors to families seeking religious affiliation and mentors to parents looking for help in the difficult job of parenting the pre-schooler. I am forever grateful for the blessings I have had watching all the children grow and develop into kind and caring human beings.
As you can see, I have had a long and incredibly wonderful journey thus far. HJC has recognized my service and has given me the opportunity to take a three month sabbatical beginning January 14th until April 14th. I am looking forward to catching up with books I have yet to find time to read, other nursery schools I would like to visit and travel that will satisfy my thirst for adventure. I want to thank the synagogue from the bottom of my heart for giving me this opportunity and look forward to sharing my sabbatical experience with you when I return.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Because Susie Meisler is on sabbatical the following is a reprint of an article she wrote several years ago.
Several years ago, my daughter Jamie and I went to a two-day workshop called, “How Does Your Engine Run? --The Alert Program for Self- Regulation.” My daughter, an occupational therapist, had been sharing with me the incredible impact that this program has had with the children in school and home. I was thrilled to be able to attend this workshop with her as it has changed my view of children’s behavior forever. The facilitators were Mary Sue Williams and Sherry Shellenberger, both occupational therapists with over 20 years experience working with a variety of children, parents and teachers in urban and rural schools as well as clinic, home and camp settings. They have focused on developing practical ways to teach people of all ages how to incorporate sensory processing theory into every day living. Sensory processing is the way we take in information through our senses. The facilitators shared with the participants why it is important to support children’s ability to “attain, maintain and change their levels of alertness.” “There is a state of alertness that can be considered optimal for learning. In this state children are alert and attentive, they have a ‘sparkle’ in their eyes, their muscles are not droopy and they concentrate with little effort.”
It was Patricia Wilbarger who coined the phrase “sensory diet” to describe the brain’s need for sensory and motor input, just as our bodies require a nutritional diet. We get this input from senses we are familiar with. These include touch, taste, sight, hearing and smell, as well as senses we are less familiar with such as movement and heavy muscle and joint work (i.e. pushing, pulling, or moving against resistance). Without input from our senses, our brains experience sensory deprivation. When we give ourselves sensory and motor input, we feel alert and attentive. An analogy presented at the workshop compared our bodies to cars. Just like in a car, our bodies have an engine that runs in “high,” “low,” and “just right” gears. The ability to “shift between gears” is called “self-regulation.”
In the morning, my husband wakes up in low gear. He is quite “sluggish” and takes a long time to get himself going. He works at home and must get working as soon as possible to perform a wide range of business tasks that require him to attend to world news and feedback in the financial markets. He, like all of us, has a morning routine that he uses to help himself shift gears from low to just right so he can perform at an optimum level. He uses the following sensory strategies in his routine: he puts something in his mouth (eats crunchy cereal and drinks a cup of tea), movement (walks up and down many steps that lead to his office) and taps into his sense of touch (takes a long, shower). This “sensory” routine helps him get his engine or nervous system into full gear. I, on the other hand, wake up each morning in high gear. I get out of bed immediately after waking up and I have a lot of energy. Like my husband, I have a morning routine that incorporates the following sensory strategies: Put something in my mouth (eat hot, smooth oatmeal, drink a cup of coffee, and chew a piece of gum), movement ( an exercise program on the treadmill). This routine helps me get my body just right so I can feel comfortable and ready to start my enjoyable yet demanding day.
If you stop to think of what you do each day to get your body in the just right gear to perform your best, you might do any combination of things. Once we as adults figure out what helps us to perform better, we will become more sensitive to what helps our children perform better.
In any one of our classrooms at HJC, we see children who have a need to put something in their mouths in order to listen more attentively. The teachers provide pretzels, cheerios, or just straws for the children so they can get the oral motor exercise they need. Other choices for parents whose children are chewing or sucking on things would be to have children drink fluids through an exercise water bottle (with a straw) or a “crazy straw” or drink a thickened milk shake or applesauce through a straw (it requires a lot of effort to get the thick drink or food through the straw). You can also provide a crunchy or chewy snack. This provides the children’s brains with the oral motor stimulation their body is seeking and helps them get their personal engines into just right gear.
There are some children in school who require a lot of movement in order to attend. While a story is being read, these children might be rocking in place or pacing around the room. Formerly, we might have looked at this behavior as a discipline problem, but in actuality, the children are doing exactly what they need to do in order to attend to the story. I have begun to suggest to teachers to exercise with the children throughout the day. For children who are high gear and need to settle down exercise provides an outlet to discharge some of their energy. You may want to consider adding a movement into your daily routines: give children “heavy muscle work” jobs to do such as taking out the heavy garbage, sweeping the floor, or scrubbing the table clean. Also, consider starting the day with a few minutes of stretching or jumping and crashing on the bed to a favorite song.
As parents, we tend to use a behavioral approach to help our children behave. For example, “If you behave when we go to the grocery store, I will get you a milkshake (or a toy).” This behavioral approach is inefficient because it only works for a brief period of time. The next time you go to the grocery store, consider trying a sensory-driven approach. Give the milkshake (with a straw) or any sensory tool (a toy to fidget with in the hands, a crunchy or chewy snack, a job to do so children can move, a ride in the cart) while you are shopping to help children keep their engines running “just right.” It takes a lot less effort and energy for you and your children to use a sensory tool as compared to a reward strategy. More importantly, it will work more often and with more consistency!
We are fortunate that the teachers in our nursery school teach the children by having the children use all their senses. It behooves us as educators and parents to recognize and encourage each child’s style of staying alert. I have looked at children’s behavior in a whole new way and look forward to helping the teachers in our nursery school continue to do the same.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
During Susie Meisler’s sabbatical the Bulletin is reprinting previously published articles.
“If we are to achieve a richer culture, rich in contrasting values, we must recognize the whole gamut of human potentialities, and so weave a less arbitrary social fabric, one in which each diverse human gift will find a fitting place.”
Margaret Mead
Throughout the years that I have been a director, I have come to see many changes in our preschool educational system. Perhaps one of the biggest changes I have seen is the growing number of children who have special needs in our classrooms. Our school is blessed to have teachers who are working hard to understand the neuro-developmental level of each child. The staff is also working with parents and specialty teachers that come to our school each day so that we can meet the learning needs of each child and thereby enhance their strengths in order to preserve the hope for their future, Due to our educational policy of inclusion, we as a staff have grown as professionals.
Most of our classes have become inclusion classes. Inclusion refers to the commitment to educate each child to the maximum extent possible, as equal members in a society in which all children are given the same opportunities to reach their potential. Inclusion is not simply about placing a child with special needs in a regular classroom. Inclusion, according to Susan Astor, M.S. Special Education, is about how we deal with diversity in our society and how we deal with, or avoid dealing with, our own differences, weakness, and fears
According to Dr. Mel Levine in his book One Mind At A Time, “Each of us is endowed with a highly complex, inborn circuitry - --creating innumerable branching pathways of options and obstacles. While some of us have brains that are wired to handle a lot of information at once, others have brains that can absorb and process only a little information at a time.” This is just one example of how complicated our brains are and how everyone’s brains are wired differently. In our society we all live with minds wired to excel in one area and fail in another. I am therefore less concerned about the label that some of our children at school are given like ADD {Attention Deficit Disorder} or PDD {Pervasive Development Disorder} because I am focused more on how we can help these children function in an environment that is sensitive to their needs.
Many of our staff members have taken workshops on how to detect children who seem our of sync in the class. We have learned how to include parents in our daily observations of their child and have encouraged parents to go for a full eurodevelopmental screening. In recent years, the teachers at HJC have gone to meetings with a variety of specialty teachers from the child’s school district so that a course of action appropriate to the child’s needs could be met. We therefore have many occupational, speech, and physical therapists coming to our school to service the child who needs physical, emotional, and social or educational help. The parents and our entire staff are in agreement that early intervention in our nursery school is critical.
I have watched children who were non- verbal at the beginning of the school year develop their speaking skills through therapy and have full conversations with their friends at the end of the school year. There were children who did not have a clue how to interact with other classmates and were taught these skills by their occupational therapists. By the end of the year these children had developed close friendships. It is so heartwarming to all of the staff to watch the slow and steady growth of children who might have struggled through their elementary school years had they not been part of a school that believed I early intervention and inclusion. We are certain that the years children spend at our nursery school become a strong foundation for their future success in school, their development of selfesteem ant their ability to relate to people in their lives.
The process of inclusion and the encouragement of each individual child allow each person to develop his or her talents or gifts. Our staff has come to realize that the greater the diversity in our classes the richer our capacity to create a more humane and caring society. We are committed to continue our own learning of how each child takes in information and functions so that each child will find success in life.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
“We’re all good at something
You’ll have your chance to shine.
Everybody’s a star, a brilliant creation
The trouble is finding the right constellation”
Katie Couric
I recently sat in the Book Revue Store reading the new children’s book by Katie Couric, anchor woman for NBC news. The book is entitled the Blue Ribbon Day, and I loved the message her new book shared with children and parents. I couldn’t wait to write some of my feelings in regard to what Katie Couric shares with her readers.
The book is about two girl friends who try out for the soccer team. One girl makes the team because she is very coordinated and the other girl does not. The girl who doesn’t make the team is devastated and goes to her mother who consoles her. The mom states, “Don’t worry I know you are sad, but you couldn’t feel good if you never feel bad.” Those words touched a nerve for me as I have often heard from psychologists and my very own parents that if you do not experience pain in your life, you cannot grow as a person, often stated as this expression, “no pain, no gain.”
The other message so wonderfully stated in the book is that each child has strengths that define who that child is. It is up to the child to discover those strengths in all of his/her life’s experiences and it is for parents to encourage children to pick themselves up from adversity and try something else so they can explore their own uniqueness.
Many, many years ago when I was in high school, I ran for the president’s position in the sorority where I was a member. At the very last minute my best friend decided to run for the same position. I was devastated when she won the election since I had never lost at anything I tried out for. This made it very difficult for me to forgive my friend for her decision to oppose me in the election. My wise parents told me that there will be many opportunities for me to shine and that I should be happy for my friend who was elected. I still hold that time in my life dear to my heart because it encouraged me to figure out other avenues in high school I could excel in and so I did. It also showed me that in life, things don’t always go your way, and it is those bumps in life that give you empathy and compassion for others in similar situations. Many years later, we are still best friends.
When my older daughter was in high school she came home one afternoon to tell me that everyone of her friends made cheerleading except her, I related my own high school story to her with great understanding of the depth of disappointment she was experiencing. I told her to remember that many years after I experienced the disappointment of losing an election, I tried out for the position of President of the PTA in my children’s elementary school and was appointed to the office.
It is a natural reaction for parents to want their child to have everything go their way. Why wouldn’t we want to see our children happy all the time? We must remember the three simple rules of life. 1. Life is not going to go your way all the time. 2. Get over it, and 3 Learn to handle life’s disappointments with some grace. You might have seen some adults who didn’t learn these lessons in their early years when they should have.
These adults hang out in airports and yell at the airline agents to stop the lightning and thunder that is holding up their plane from taking off. You might see them in restaurants when they are told that their table will be ready in 5 minutes and walk out because this is too long a time for them to wait. And you most certainly have seen the adults who drive on the road and forget that the red light is for them too!!.
I once heard an early childhood lecturer ask her audience if we as parents want our children to feel they are special. Almost the entire audience of early childhood educators raised their hands. It is much better, she stated, to have your children feel unique. Special connotes something above, something better. Herein lies the problem. Your child is special to you, but this is different from being special to everyone. All children are unique and incredibly valuable. They are priceless, just like the commercial says about some moments in life. I always tell parents in my parenting support groups to honor the soul of your child so that one day they can honor the souls of others.
Each of us has strengths and qualities that set us apart from others. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if all of us knew that we are all worthy of being treated with dignity, respect and kindness, then none of us can be more special than another. Humility is definitely a virtue in these times and Katie Couric was brilliant in writing a book that addresses the issue of life’s bumps and finding your own constellation so that hopefully children can learn these lessons early in life.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
The Sabbatical year in the Bible demonstrates the nature of Israelite society as a communitarian, agricultural society. As the name suggests, the Sabbatical year is tied to the biblical concept of the Sabbath, the seventh day of the week and a time of rest. I have been truly blessed to have been given a three month leave of absence, a sabbatical, for my 24 years of work as a nursery school director at Huntington Jewish Center. I come back with a renewed sense of my professional purpose, physically re-energized, and greatly appreciative of the meaning of the fourth commandment, “thou shall keep the Sabbath day.”
This past January, I was struggling to imagine how I would be able to leave the daily tasks I perform as director of the nursery school and spend my time with activities I have longed to do for years—travel to far away places, read during the daytime hours instead of the night time, and visit other nursery schools to glean information that would be beneficial for my staff and the children. Through the years I have preached to many of the parents that it is critical to take moments during the day and week to stop and reflect, take in the moment, and spend time in a quiet space so that you can hear your own voice. I have known for years that I suffer from separation anxiety, but this time I would follow my own advice and let things roll as they may. For the first month of my sabbatical, my husband and I sublet an apartment in New York City and took full advantage of what the city has to offer. We took in 11 Broadway shows, all the major museums, walking tours to areas we have never visited, more than a dozen movies and some concerts. I managed to encourage my husband to leave work early each day so that we could share the breath of New York City together and begin a process of connecting during this gift of time I was afforded.
I was also able to visit a variety of schools in the city that I learned much from: the JCC Nursery School on 76th street, the 92nd Street Y Nursery School, the Bank Street School, and the River Valley Day Care Center. I also had a visit with the newly renovated nursery school in the Community Synagogue of Port Washington. It was a joy to meet and speak at great length with the directors of these schools and learn about the philosophy of each one. I got to see the children and the teachers in action and reconfirmed for myself that there is no better profession than early childhood education as we are part of raising the world’s future.
When we left the city, my husband and I packed again and took off to New Zealand for over two weeks. The trip was a long one, but well worth the journey. We concentrated our trip to the South Island where the Lord of the Rings was filmed. The country literally took my breath away with its stunning beauty. The South Island is filled with lakes and mountains. There are the mountains of diverse beauty, such as those of the Fiordland and Mount Aspiring National Parks---the former presenting a daunting topography carved from erosion-resistant granites, the latter a less steep land formed from more brittle schist. Ice, wind and rain have continued to work these landscapes, but the most important influence on the shape of the mountain, basin and range, was the advance and retreat of the glaciers and ice sheets these past 2 million years.
Each day was an adventure. We first had to refresh our memory on how to drive on the other side of the road. Each day’s drive made us realize that there were more sheep in New Zealand than people. Most towns were extremely small and miles apart from one another. Between each town, there were miles and miles of mountain ranges, farm land, and lakes and very few people. My husband and I climbed every mountain we could find. There were temperate rain forest mountain hikes with raging rivers on one side and plush foliage on the other with a surprise view of glaciers when we reached the top. We saw more rainbows, waterfalls, seals, sheep, cows and dolphins than I have seen in my life time and heard the songs of more birds than I could have ever dreamed of. Jay and I even braved a glacier hike where there was an ice storm at the top of the mountain awaiting us. I crossed two swinging bridges that allowed one person at a time to go. On one crossing while looking down at the rapids below as the bridge kept swinging I asked myself the question, “Are you kidding doing this at your age?!” We saw the first bridge where the bungee jump was created. There I witnessed many young kids jumping off into the ice cold water below and bouncing back up with the same speed. I learned that if you are 65 years old, you jump for ½ price and when you turn 70 you go for free. That might be an incentive for me to return in 10 years! One of our stops was Abel Tasman National Park. We stayed at a fantastic Eco Lodge in the park. The only way to get to the shore was by jumping out of the water taxi into the choppy water. Thank goodness we didn’t have to carry our 4 suitcases while we did this. I did not rest much while I was there but my continuing search for spirituality, nature’s beauty and God’s miracles filled my soul.
Returning home was joyous as well. I spent the last few weeks of my sabbatical with my family, savoring my time with my granddaughter, learning that I will be blessed with another grandchild in September and discovering once again how enchanted I am with my husband, a feeling that sometimes gets lost in the daily grind of life.
I am more certain now than ever that my advice to parents to take some time away from routines so that they can refresh themselves and revisit their sense of priorities remains a sound one. Staying in the moment heals the need for people to connect in the most meaningful way and renews the music in their soul. My sabbatical was a blessing I will long remember and treasure. I want to thank the Board for allowing me this time. Most of all I want to thank Bernice R., Ilene B. and my entire staff for giving me peace of mind while I was away and for taking over my many responsibilities that I have now lovingly resumed!
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
“Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning,
but a going on, with all the wisdom that
experience can instill in us.”
Hal Barland
It is always a difficult task for me to say goodbye at the end of the year to all the families who will be leaving us because their children are moving into their elementary school years. It is both hard and exciting to watch the children who will remain in our school move away from their present classrooms, teachers and friends and into the next phase of our nursery school experience. They grow up so fast and before we can blink, this glorious stage of their lives is gone. Oh if we could only hold on to it just a wee bit longer!
It was Annie Sullivan who said that “love is something like the clouds that were in the sky before the sun came out. You cannot touch the clouds, you know, but you feel the rain and know how glad the flowers and the thirsty earth are to have it after a hot day. You cannot touch love either, but you feel the sweetness that it pours on everything.” Her words make me feel that much of what goes on in our daily connection with all the beautiful children at our school throughout the year is about love. I learned at the beginning stage of my career that teachers, who love children deeply, will work hard to give confidence, encouragement, a listening ear and good values to the children gifted to them for a year. This in turn will help to insure their future. The academics are important as well, but the skills that make them lovable, kind, cooperative, loyal, responsible and generous of spirit, are far more valuable tools for guiding them through life.
The teachers in our classrooms made sure to look at each child as an individual while always keeping expectations realistic. Our staff gave the children a chance to make errors and time to discover how to change these mistakes into successful experiences. There were opportunities for children to make choices and evaluate what selection they made. All children were encouraged to play and have fun with the wide variety of materials set out for them each day. Most importantly, children were given a large amount of time to socialize and learn how to make friends and sustain them. We sang, danced, held hands, laughed, hugged, played hard and made sure that all the children had a sense of their own purpose and identity. We end this year with hearts full of gratitude for all the parents who have supported our efforts throughout the year. It is because of your belief in our philosophy and your time and support throughout the year that we were able to accomplish all that we set out to do with your incredible children.
I leave you with a passage written by a teacher who reflects what my staff and I feel each year at this time.
“We sow the seeds on the other side of the water
and never see the harvest turn to flower.
Yet we dance in the colors of the day
and know the power of the bursting bud.
We teach the children to sing,
though we will hear the song but faintly,
falling away across the water.
And the loud applause
will not sound for us.
Only the soft stirrings of peace
in the children’s hearts
and the thunder of the ages in their veins.”
Linda Rhody
I want to take the time to thank Jennifer and Marilyn and my entire Parent Association for working so hard this year. Through their efforts our school has been able to create an atmosphere of deep concern for the future of our world by honoring the soul of each child at HJC. The Parent Association brought the parents, teachers, children and synagogue together by having a wide variety of events through the year which allowed all of us to build a “happy home” at HJC for all the students.
I hope all of you have a healthy and happy summer. I look forward to the next school year and to getting to know all the incoming students and families who will be a part of the HJC magic.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
“The year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.”Hal Borland
It is the beginning of the New Year, Rosh Hashanah, and although I am excited about what the New Year will bring, I am always brought back to that old childhood feeling of concern about separating myself from the comfort of what I experienced last year and the uncertainty of what this year will bring my way. Throughout my life, I have felt anxious about beginning and ending a year. My attitude in life in general is always upbeat, and it has remained an enigma to me why this part of my life doesn’t follow suit. This summer I had an experience that made me revisit the concept that life is not a series of beginnings and endings but a continuum of meaningful and memorable moments, each building on one another to create a circle of life.
After nursery school was over, I walked through the classrooms to say hello to the nursery school children now actively involved in camp. Much to my amazement, I also saw in each classroom faces of grown children I have not seen in years. Boys and girls who once attended our nursery school were now assistant counselors helping other children feel their way through their new beginning experiences in camp. I was truly taken back when I counted 12 long time graduates of HJC Nursery School helping the little ones through their day; Caroline G., Allison W., Sam W., Renna W., Emily R., Molly N., Talia K., Jessie W., Natasha S., Lauren S., Dana S. and Max S.
I couldn’t help but think of the song by Harry Chapin called, “Circle.” Some of the words to the song are, “All my life’s a circle: Sunrise and sun down: Moon rolls through the nighttime; Till the daybreak comes around. All my life’s a circle; But I can’t tell you why; Season’s spinning round again; The years keep rollin’ by. It seems like I’ve been here before; I can’t remember when; But I have this funny feeling; That we’ll be together again. No straight lines make up my life; And all my roads have bends; There’s no clear-cut beginnings; And so far no dead-ends.” Seeing all the beautiful teenagers and college bound students who returned to help our campers feel comfortable and loved here confirmed for me that life is a full circle of daily moments, not beginnings and endings, but a full circle of endless experiences that protects us, teaches us, embraces us and returns us to many moments that are along the circle of life. The young adults who remembered life at HJC as warm and embracing came back to help others create their own strong circle of life.
Many years ago I taught second grade in Smithtown. The last class that I taught before I left to live in Singapore was very special to me. I knew that I would be leaving a job that I loved as well as the children in this class who I probably would never see again. Several years ago, at one of our many graduations at nursery school, a father of one of the graduates that year approached me with a picture he wanted to show me. I adored his daughter and loved watching her develop into a sweet, confidant child ready to embrace kindergarten. I thought that he was giving me a picture of his daughter so that I could remember her after she left our school. This was not the case. What he showed me was a picture of me as a teacher of the last class I taught before I left for Singapore. In that picture was this father, a student of mine who I believed I would never see again. I should have realized then that all of life comes around in a circle. Attitude in life is everything. It is the key to seeing your cup half full or half empty. I will continue along my own circle of life this year with a feeling of safety and comfort as I have been along this route many times before. My circle of life has taught me about having strength and courage to face new challenges. It has shown me that I can be successful in all new endeavors that come my way. I am coming around again in September and look forward to what lies ahead. This year I will look at the start of the new school year with a positive attitude and not an anxious one, because it is a road I have traveled often, a familiar path that allowed me to feel enriched in the relationships I have gained along the way and excited about new endeavors that I will allow myself to experience.
I am reminded this coming Rosh Hashanah of the beauty and strength of the circle as a symbol for life’s continuance, not as beginnings and endings, but as a path winding around and around the many beautiful moments in life. “It’s the circle of life and it moves us all through despair and hope, through faith and love till we find our place on the path unwinding in the circle, the circle of life.”
I wish all of you a happy and healthy New Year.
L’Shanah Tovah.
“Who are the guardians of the city?”
… The Teachers of Torah and the Teachers of Mishna
Pesikhta de Rav Kahane XV,126b
The Harold Steinhardt and the Jewish Life Network/Steinhardt Foundation has named Phyllis Frisher a Grinspoon/Steinhardt recipient. The award honors and supports outstanding Jewish educators in day schools and other formal Jewish educational settings in North America.
Each year the award recognizes a small number of teachers around the country who demonstrate exceptional achievement and serve as a role model in Jewish education. This is the second time one of our nursery school teachers has been selected for this prestigious award. In 2003, Yvonne Cohen was a Grinspoon-Steinhardt recipient.
Phyllis has been working as a nursery school teacher for the past 24 years. She is a talented, loving, creative and caring educator who adds great humor to her classroom each day. Phyllis is passionate about imparting Jewish rituals, customs and traditions to all the children lucky enough to have her as their teacher.
She was one of the many teachers in our school who took part in the ENGAJE program in 2004. This program offered our staff an opportunity to study about Judaism and Israel for a period of two years. Her trip to Israel as a result of the program truly motivated her to enrich her daily curriculum with activities that would help her students understand the importance of Israel to the Jewish people.
Phyllis is also a Hebrew School teacher in our synagogue where she has the wonderful opportunity to continue teaching Judaism to our many nursery school students who graduate from our school.
I am sure that all of you join me in congratulating Phyllis on receiving such a prestigious award.
Susie Meisler
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Probably one of the most difficult tasks parents need to learn is the art of active listening. Many years ago, when I began parenting my own children I was fortunate to discover and incorporate this skill in my everyday communication with them. The skill of active listening is vital and necessary in order to become an effective parent. Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. Often when people talk to each other, they don’t listen attentively. Parents are so busy multi-tasking that they are often distracted, half- listening, half-thinking about something else. When people are engaged in a conflict, they are often busy formulating a response to what is being said rather than active listening. They assume that they have heard what their opponent is saying many times before, so rather than paying attention they focus on how they can respond to win the argument.
Active listening is a structured form of listening and responding that focuses the attention on the speaker. The listener must take care to attend to the speaker fully, and then repeat, in the listener’s own words what he or she thinks the speaker has said. The listener does not have to agree with the speaker—he or she must simply state what he or she thinks the speaker said. This enables the speaker to find out whether the listener really understood. If the listener did not, the speaker can explain some more.
I once read a wonderful story by Leo Buscaglia about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four-year-old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.” Active listening can also be the art of listening with your eyes and heart and knowing that sometimes people just need time to express their deepest emotions without a response from the listener. Here are four important rules to remember when learning the art of active listening with your child or another adult. The first step is to face the speaker and give him eye contact while putting all of your other activities on hold.
I can clearly remember a time when I had made an appointment for a meeting at night with an employer so I could work out a variety of issues that had come up at work. The gentleman who met with me told me to sit down and while I was describing some of the problems, he proceeded to thumb through the mail on his desk and throw away papers that he didn’t need anymore. I can still remember feeling ignored by him even though he said, “I hope you don’t mind that I am doing this while you are talking, I just don’t have the time to do it during the day.” I took a deep breath in and said, “Yes, I do mind and I would appreciate it if you would look at me when I am talking so I can feel that you are truly listening.” That night I went home and wrote on my refrigerator this message, “When my children are talking, listen with my eyes and ears!!!
Empathic, active listening is the greatest gift parents can give to their children. It is our duty as parents to put ourselves in our children’s place—to walk in their shoes—and understand where the child is coming from without imposing our point of view. I leave you with this wonderful message written by Herbert Lingren. It is message to all of us who want to make a better world by teaching our children how to incorporate the art of active listening into their everyday lives.
I speak because I know my needs,
I speak with hesitation because I know not yours,
My words come from my life’s experiences
Your understanding comes from yours.
Because of this, what I say,
And what you hear, may not be the same.
So if you will listen carefully,
Not only with your ears,
But with your eyes and with your heart,
Maybe somehow we can communicate.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
"Let every individual and institution now think and act as a responsible trustee of Earth, seeking choices in ecology, economics and ethics that will provide a sustainable future, eliminate pollution, poverty and violence, awaken the wonder of life and foster peaceful progress in the human adventure."— John McConnell, founder of International Earth Day
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."— Mahatma Gandhi
Many years ago when my daughter Jamie and my son-in-law Michael moved to Port Washington, they met a remarkable woman named Patti Wood, an environmental specialist and researcher who had a booth at the Port Washington Farmer's Market each week. Every time they spoke with her, Patti would give them several new ideas about how to keep their home and child environmentally healthy. My children then deeply immersed themselves in reading everything they could about saving our planet from the perils of human greed and consumption. They wanted to be a small part of making the world cleaner, safer, and healthier for their new born child and the generations that would follow.
I listened carefully to them as they made small changes in their daily lives and then I too, learned to do the same. It was the small steps taken over time that made me feel I could be a part of changing the way I used earth's many gifts. Perhaps the first thing my son-in-law made us become aware of was the amount of pollution from the increase of vans and SUV's on the road. So, my husband and I sold our jeep and replaced it with a much smaller car. (This was way before Hybrid cars became a reality.) Yes, I missed the amount of space we had in the back of the car that we used to transport enormous items that would never fit in our new small car, but we adjusted.
My husband and I took other simple steps in our house as well. Knowing that water is a finite resource both essential to our survival and in short supply, we started to make tiny adjustments to our usage of water. We stopped letting the water run while we brushed our teeth, shaving and washing our face and hands. Jay and I now take shorter showers, use the dishwasher only when it is totally full, and avoid unnecessary toilet flushing.
I found a company that sold healthy, non-chemical cleaning products for our home. For years my husband and I suffered from all types of allergies that impacted our health, such as severe eye irritations, upper respiratory infections, sinus problems and headaches. Since the change over from chemical to non-chemical products, we do not have these physical ailments anymore. I then made sure that our school children at HJC were given a healthy environment to breathe and play in. Years ago, I encouraged the synagogue to use only non-chemical cleaning products which greatly improved the quality of air we were breathing. The synagogue also did a fabulous job of eradicating any possibility of growing mold from previous rain damage due to our aging, flat roof.
Our family looks to buy organic fruits and vegetables, when possible and other produce from local farmers. We do this to support our local farmers, have pesticide free produce and make sure that we help reduce the use of more fuel used to ship produce from other states and countries.
At the bris of my second grandchild, the mohel reminded those present that it is the duty of every parent who brings a child into this world to teach him about Tikun Olum, giving back to the world. It made me feel proud to hear this since our staff at HJC is doing its part to teach the children the importance of taking care of our earth and environment. We continue to work to make the world a better and healthier place to live now and for all future generations.
Here is a list of just a few ways our staff is educating the children to see themselves as capable of making small changes to help our earth.
It is our job to set the stage for children's lifelong appreciation of preservation and ecology. We can and must do this by introducing simple environmental concepts in positive ways to children and modeling our own efforts to care for the world around us. We have much to do to learn how to make this world a healthier, environmentally safer place to live. I have faith that we can make a difference as an HJC community and I am proud to be a part of our Synagogue's effort this year and every year thereafter to keep America "green."
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
I was told that when I was young, I would make sure I sat down with my father at dinner and watch him eat. I remember doing that until I left home and got married. At dinner time I would not only relate the events of my day to my father but also watch him take pleasure in eating the well-proportioned meal my mother prepared for him. He would take time to season his dinner with just the right amount of salt and pepper and then enjoy each bite of his meal. Our food portions at meal times were never too big, but if we wanted more, we could have it. My mother allowed all of us to decide how much food we wanted to eat and never made us become a member of the "clean plate club." She had faith in all of us to know when we were full. Her only job, as she saw it, was to make sure she prepared the meals as nutritionally as possible. I never heard either of my parents talk about dieting or watching their weight through the years I grew up but always felt that they were conscious to eat as nutritionally as possible.
Through the many years of working with parents, perhaps on of the topics most asked about is the issue of children's eating habits. The majority of parents are greatly concerned about why their children eat too many sweets and foods with high fat content. Researchers at Boston University School of Medicine found that parents of three-to-five year olds who strictly watched their own diets had children who gained the least weigh. But parents who combined dietary restrictions with times of poorly controlled eating had children who continued gaining weight, throughout their childhood. It was Maggie Hood, MPH, who conducted this study and said, "Parents practicing both of these behaviors may unconsciously undermine their child's autonomy in food choices."
The most important thing that parents can do to when their children are young is help them eat and stop eating in response to internal cues. It is mostly the external cues, such as, parents telling children how much how much to eat and what foods to eat that regulate children's eating style.
I have also seen over the years that television plays a large part in the kinds of food children choose to eat. I am amazed at how many food advertisements there are during children related programs. Most of the ads are for fast food restaurants and highly sugared foods like sweetened cereals and candy. Parents need to grocery shop with their young children to teach them what foods help nourish them and which do not help them grow in a healthy way.
We are also a society of people whose portion sizes are way out of control. When I went to France recently, I couldn't believe the small amount of food that was on my plate in each of the restaurants I frequented. In France, I kept thinking of the joke Jackie Mason told during one of his shows. He was visiting a country in Europe and was given a sliver of cake and said, "You call this a piece of cake?" Then pointing to an entire birthday cake he retorted, "Now there's a piece of cake!" Although it is true that most Americans have a buffet mentality about eating, I strongly caution parents not to put large portions of food on the children's plates. Instead give them small portions so they can figure out if they want or need more.
One of the biggest problems facing children in relation to food is gaining too much weight, which could be caused by the lack of activity in their lives. Children are so involved in sitting to watch TV for hours as well as working on pocket games and other lethargic activities that they are not getting enough physical activity to burn calories and encourage hunger at mealtimes. During my generation, children come in to grab a sandwich and then run outdoors again. Children are much too sedentary in their daily activities and need to have the time spent playing with electronic devices shortened.
Some of the things I recommend to parents during our "food" discussions are the following:
Be careful not to talk about dieting in front of children. Just eat good healthy foods and don't talk about how you look in clothing. I have heard many three and four year olds discuss the foods they won't eat because they are on a diet. Children should learn that beauty, health and strength come in all sizes . Good health should not be defined by body weight, but social, physical and emotional well-being, and that is achieved by living a healthy life style.
I often heard my father hum while eating well-prepared meals in the house and in restaurants. I have also been known to do the same and I have watched my older daughter follow suit as well. There is a joy that is attached to food. It is our job as parents to set good role modeling for our children by getting daily exercise, eating healthy foods, and celebrating the gifts all of us have been given. Children know when they are hungry and how much to eat. It is the job of parents to trust that theory. Mealtimes should be a joyous time together. Start humming!!!!
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
In the month of November I had the privilege of going to the 92nd Street Y for a conference dedicated to teach directors and early childhood teachers the importance of play, not only in the classroom but outside play as well. I was particularly interested in learning why the children of today are gaining weight at such an early age and how we as professionals and parents can help children participate in unstructured outdoor and indoor play more often than what exists in our schools today.
Jay and I recently took a trip to New Hampshire, where we set our goal to climb the highest peaks in the White Mountains. It was a joy to see many younger children on route up the mountain even though they didn’t make it to the peak. As parents, Jay and I have always been involved in trying to keep ourselves and our children physically fit by taking long walks each day, roller blading, dancing, playing golf and tennis, hiking, bowling, biking, swimming and on one occasion, rock climbing. We were both very active children who spent most of our day’s outdoors enjoying similar activities. We both went to camp each summer where we learned to become more competent at all the sports we chose to regularly partake in. Our children have always joined us when we began a new physical endeavor, and I am certain that most of their sweetest childhood memories would be when they took part in some sort of outdoor activity with their friends. It was a joy hearing the professional keynote speakers reiterate that children need uninterrupted outdoor and indoor playtime with peers in order to build socialization skills, creativity, and good health practices.
Many studies have been done to find out how many hours 2-5 year olds spend watching television. Would you believe an average of 25 hours a week? This statistic doesn’t include any time spent playing video games or working with the computer. It has been shown that 50% of American children are not getting enough exercise. The following facts I am about to reveal came from a parent magazine I subscribe to and will probably shock and surprise you as it did me.
Children as young as two, can be introduced to the wonderful world of physical activity. This is the age when children have boundless energy and endless enthusiasm. They like you to repeat their new found skill until they can do it right. The goal of parents in introducing children at this age to exercise like throwing a ball, catching, going up the slide, jumping on a trampoline, etc., is to help children understand the basics, and find enjoyment in the activity as they are tying to learn how to do it.
Parents should wait to encourage their child to play team sports until the child is able to follow directions, understand basic rules of the game and play thoughtfully of other children. Parents should not feel they have to play whole games like soccer with their child, since it is far better to work on improving skills such as catching and kicking. It is a good idea for parents to watch sports with their children so they can point out the rules of a game, sportsmanship and abilities of the players. Team sports does not allow for children to be a participant in creative physical play which happens when you take your children to a wooded park and say, “go play with your friends.” They get a far better workout that way then on an organized sports team.
Remember that children always learn best by role modeling. When your child sees that you value your health and are willing to do things to keep it, such as exercising regularly, your child will learn to respect her body and take care of it too. Try not to act like exercise is drudgery. Children pick up on your approach and attitude to exercising so be careful of rolling your eyes or frowning when your child asks you to run with her or play another game of kickball.
In addition, children love to help with physical chores around the house, so don’t hesitate to include them. Exercise like, sweeping, mopping, raking leaves, shoveling snow, and dusting, are great ways to keep you and your child physically fit,. Young children naturally love to move, so be creative in finding ways to keep that love of exercise they have alive.
I am thrilled that our nursery school values the love of exercise. We have the children participate in a wide variety of activities throughout their day. Each class has a ½ hour of creative movement each week. Every day the children go outside or to our indoor gym for exercise with their friends. Each year we have the children participate in a Jump-For-Heart event. Parents monetarily support their child’s effort to understand the health benefits of exercising. All donations are given to the American Heart Association.
I hope that young families begin to organize some of their free time by setting up a regular exercise program with their children. I promise that by doing so, not only will children get the message that exercise is important to their mental and physical health, but a life time of wonderful memories will be forever part of their families memory bank.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
It has been a long time since I have recognized the mother I had been fortunate to grow up with as a child. My mother was a soft spoken, compassionate, kind, giving and extremely intelligent person who clearly understood human behavior. Her life was led simply because she knew that living simply was far less complicated and much more fulfilling. She adored children and knew how to bring out the best in every child that entered her life. She was everyone’s best friend, but my family and I knew that no one could be higher on her priority list than us. Although dementia keeps taking away the very core of my mother’s being, there are times that her positive, easy spirit, psychologically gifted soul presents itself to me and it is that gift I choose to speak about in this article.
As in any child’s life there are challenging incidents and difficult periods of time that a parent must sit back and allow the child to experience the moment alone, even if the outcome is unpleasant. Far too often, parents rescue their children too quickly; robbing them of life’s lessons they need as a foundation to solve problems in adulthood. No matter how difficult situations can be in your life, it was my mother’s belief that your positive outlook on how to solve the problem would make the situation work for you. She also felt that everyone had “good” in them and it was our job to find it and bring it to the surface. My mother helped me to see that I could derive a positive result from any challenging situation if I remained opened to another side to the story. I was taught on a regular basis that all the challenging times in my life had a “silver lining.” I never got rescued because my mother believed that through positive thinking, I could change any “bad” situation into a “good” one.
A simple example of what my mother taught me through my growing up years took place in college. I had the opportunity to live with two other sorority sisters in a house off campus. I attended a commuter school and lived at home the first year. Brenda, a friend of mine, invited me to live with her in my second year of college. She had been sharing a three bedroom apartment with Nancy, a senior in our college and needed another roommate. Moving out of my family home at a time when my sister was ill and my mother was caring for her children was extremely difficult for me, both emotionally and financially. I did move out though, with the encouragement of both parents. Nancy adored Brenda as a little sister since Nancy was an only child growing up, but appeared to be threatened by my friendship with Brenda. She made sure once I moved in that I was never included, such as joining them in any of the campus events. There were times that Nancy would only talk to Brenda at meal times as if I were not present. I can recall telling my mother that I would be packing up and coming home because I could not take the stress of a 3-way relationship that was clearly not working for me. I was hoping my mother would validate my feelings and tell me to come back home. That was not the case.
My mother understood that sometimes people worried that their relationships would change if a new person entered the mix. She told me to write a letter to Nancy telling her how I felt and that I was willing to wait to have her get to know me better. When she did, she would see that I had no intention of disturbing what was once a great friendship between Brenda and her. Nancy read the note, never said a word to me about it, but slowly invited me to more campus events and many months later, became one of my closest friends.
It was the power of positive thinking ingrained in my thoughts by my mother’s role modeling that gave me the ability to work well with other people throughout my life. Hearing the language of hope and affirmation by my mother gave me the courage to move into new situations with a sense of confidence and assuredness. She kept her thoughts and words gentle and deliberately positive. She spoke kindly of all our family members and friends and never even humorously ridiculed us for our actions. I never heard her complain about what she needed to do or the difficulty she had raising two children. She was extremely respectful to anyone who helped her in stores and restaurants. My mother was the first to help someone in need both in and out of our family. She never looked for anyone to give her thanks for it was always her joy to see someone helped by her efforts. When sad events occurred in my mother’s life, she handled them quietly and confidently and never forgot what blessings were still present for her. My mother reinforced each day of my life that “life” is good and each day is a gift.
My hope as a director of the school is to impart to the parents, teachers and children who we see each day the message of optimism and positive thinking in their daily happenings. Having been fortunate to have witnessed first hand the results of a life well lived with love, kindness and a positive attitude, my desire to educate those around me to do the same is paramount.
When I veer from my mother’s teachings which happens more often then what I would like to admit, I try desperately to come back to her way of thinking so that I can handle life once again without anger, upset and helplessness. My mother’s words of wisdom and memory have slowly disappeared with the never ending aging process, but I am blessed to have had the years she taught me to stay positive, appreciate all life’s gifts and live without judging others. It was Kahil Gibran who said it best about the way my mother chose to live her life. He said, “Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.” Although I have lost parts of my mother’s ability to share her wisdom with me through the years, the way she chose to live life remains a constant reminder to me to bring a positive attitude to all that I am fortunate to experience in the remaining years I have on earth.
Through the years, the teachers in our school have worked hard to create new and exciting curriculum for the children. This year, our very own Grinspoon Steinhardt winner, Phyllis Frisher, has developed a program that involves a multi-sensory and multi intelligence approach to teaching art and bringing Judaism into the mixture.
It is a known fact that children learn about the world through their senses. Sensory experiences are a traditional part of our program. Our classrooms are filled with items for children to explore, such as finger paint, sand, water, clay, musical instruments, pine cones, acorns, and so much more. We provide the children with opportunities and materials to cook, sew, build, tear down, transport, wash, repair and mix. It is through the varied sensory explorations that children learn best. With that in mind, Phyllis decided to create a weekly, hour long session for the children in the four year old classes to have an art and discovery experience while teaching them that all they do in class can be related to Judaism.
The study of trees is just one of the ways Phyllis brought Judaism, literacy and art together. Her lesson was to show that every tree had its own characteristic and definable traits. The Torah teaches that God created trees on the third day of creation, even before the sun, moon and stars were created. By teaching all about trees, we are teaching children the miracle of creation.
Phyllis pointed out that in Israel the trees were different than some of the trees in the United States. The trees there grow a wide variety of fruits such as dates and figs to which the children had the opportunity to taste. The children learned how important the trees were to Israel, which was once a desert. Phyllis then brought literacy into the fold and read the book, “Honi’s Circle of Trees” by Phyllis Gershator. The story is about a man who plants a carob tree for generations to come. It is a story that hopefully will remind children to do things not just for themselves, but for the people who come after them. The Hebrew words Tikun Olum and Eitz were then taught to the class. The children saw a wide variety of pictures depicting trees, and Phyllis reiterated how each tree, just like people, has its own personality. Every child was then given the opportunity to create and paint their own picture of a tree pointing out the tree’s distinct characteristics.
Several weeks ago, Phyllis asked the children in her art class, “What’s Jewish about dinosaurs?” Her lesson pointed out that God created the dinosaurs that were on earth even before Adam and Eve. She asked the children, “How might we treat a dinosaur if one were to show up in our classroom? Because the dinosaur is one of God’s creations, we need to treat it with kavod, respect. She taught them that all God’s creatures, big and small, need our love and respect.
After reading the book, “How Do Dinosaurs Celebrate Shabbat?” Phyllis introduced the children to the Hebrew word for skeleton and dinosaur. Her lesson included the information that dinosaur footprints were discovered in Israel in the 1960’s, which led the children to create dinosaur footprints of their own with stencils.
She had the children sing the song, “There’s A Dinosaur Knocking At The Door.” She left the children with two dinosaur riddles: What do you say to a two headed dinosaur and what do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks? Give up? You say, “Hello, hello” to a two headed dinosaur and you get “dynamite” when you cross dinosaurs and fireworks. As you can see, Phyllis made sure to incorporate in both of the above lessons all the varied ways children absorb information, such as through music, movement, art, inner reflection, visual, touch, and taste.
I have given you just a few examples of lessons Phyllis has taught the children in our school in order to show that when we integrate Judaism into our early childhood classrooms in a natural, daily way, we can provide an environment and educational experience that gives each child and family a chance to build a strong Jewish identity. The lessons Phyllis shared with the 4’s along with all the teachers who do the same types of lessons in their own classrooms, have given the children a chance to become more aware and inquisitive of awe-inspiring moments created by God that hopefully will be carried with them the rest of their lives.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
It is hard nowadays to remove ourselves from feeling emotionally taxed by the economic upheaval we see in the media, on our blackberries and computers. There is worldwide panic created by these daily reports and it’s very difficult to find a ray of sunshine from this economic nightmare. We Americans are constantly reminded that the next few years will put most of us on financial alert. Many Americans will face economic hardships. Most of us will be confused as to what to do about our savings since the banking industry, as well as Wall Street cannot be fully trusted.
I can remember when my mother spoke to me of the “great depression.” She used to tell me how her parents would ration the food put out each night. My mother would always say how blessed they felt because whatever little there was to eat, there was still a roof over their heads and it could always be worse. They managed to find the good in their lives, as simple as it would be. Her family would come together on Sundays and would take turns playing the piano, dancing and singing together. Her memories of that period were rich and meaningful in spite of the financial and emotional roller coaster they were experiencing. She learned that hard times could also be filled with great joy and happiness sharing the simple things in life together.
When I wake up each morning, I often read a passage embroidered and framed on a cloth given to me by a former parent in our school. She recalled me saying these words to her when she was having a difficult time in her life. The message says:
“It’s the simple things in life. It’s always the simple things in life that are best. The laughter of children and baby birds in a nest, A walk in the woods, smelling freshly mown hay, or a peek of the sun on a cold rainy day. It is a smile from a stranger, while passing you by, Or the sight of a rainbow in a cloud- laden sky. So accept all the small things that life has to give. Make the most of each day for it is simply, your life to live.”This passage helps me to remember what we Americans have moved so far away from in life.
American consumption has become a way of life. The most recent example of how far we have gravitated from keeping life simple and moving far from what is right and good is the report of a store employee who was stampeded to death during a morning sale in the store. The saddest part of the story of course was that most people continued searching for their needed items without stopping to help this poor man.
On a recent trip to New Zealand, I noticed that most stores were closed on Sunday, giving families a chance to spend time together. This was what it was like in America not so long ago. Shabbat, Sundays and holidays when I grew up, were sacred family times, not times of opportunity to buy more and more. We have become an era of digital disconnect where human relationships have imploded. Our society has spent more time consuming and using electronics that has moved us further away from personally relating to one another. You just have to go into a restaurant to see children at the tables playing hand held electronic games instead of interacting with their families.
Although these are hard times, I feel somewhat encouraged that people are not using their free time to shop as much. Most of my friends and parents in our school who I have spoken to are eating at home more and cooking wholesome food together as a family. We have given up too much of our free time to other forms of entertainment such as videos, televisions, movies, concerts, restaurants, shopping etc. Values were received by telecommunication rather than by parents modeling them. Seeing half the politicians text messaging while Obama was addressing the nation told us much about how far down the road the level of disconnect and disrespect has taken us. Maybe it will take an economic crisis to help get us all back on track.
It is time for parents to shut off their cell phones, blackberries, computers and big-screened TV’s and become present in the life of their children. This economic crisis is a way of bringing all of American families back to the basics, back to the simple parts of life that are far more enriching to our souls than how much we can consume. Here are just a few things I have thought of that will perhaps bring families together in a more fulfilling way:
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
These are hard economic times and everyone is concerned about the well-being of our country and our own families. I have listened to many of our mothers saying that because of the economy, they are returning to the work force and leaving their children home most of the day to grandparents and caregivers. Their decision to return to work is a difficult one and I hope in light of the fact Mother’s Day is around the corner, I can shed a positive spin on this decision.
When I left my teaching job to become a full time mother, I had a glorious vision of how life was going to be. There I was in my dream, playing with my children all day long, giving them meals that they loved, having a husband that came home and worked with me in the kitchen. It as just like I had seen on T.V. shows such as “Father Knows Best.” What was I thinking?
Somehow or other, my mother exhibited the qualities I thought I would have when I became a mother myself. She was a full time nurturing mother. She was home everyday I came home from school waiting with a great snack, loving hug and time to listen to my idle chatter about the day’s events. She helped my sister and me do our homework, saw to it that we got a good night’s sleep and always had time to make my father a full meal. She did a daily clothing wash in the laundry room a block away and hung our wash up to dry on the designated clothesline in the back of our garden apartments. Since we only had one car, used by my father for work, my mother walked one mile to the shopping center, did a full food shop and walked back home. She never complained and always made motherhood look so easy. You can only imagine how much I was looking forward to becoming the mother she was when I had my children.
I do not remember when I realized that I was NOT my mother, but the image I had in my head about how things were suppose to be was fading with each year I parented my daughters. I was part of a new generation of women in the 70’s who found motherhood not completely fulfilling, I needed to go back to work either full time or part time. I missed my weekly paychecks that patted me on my back for a job well done.
It is now commonplace for women to hold jobs while managing the house and caring for their families. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the number of working moms had increased over the last thirty years to a whopping 73 percent. In 1998, Catalyst, a non-profit New York advocacy group for women in business, prepared a survey of two-career couples and discovered that two-thirds of the women would continue working with or without the financial need to do so.
Many women adore their role as a mother and regard each day with their children as a gift. Then there are those who say that if they knew motherhood would be this difficult, they would never have had children. Many mothers say that they have become better mothers to their children since they returned to work because they have a new sense of self-worth and feeling of independence. Some mothers feel ashamed to admit this, particularly to other mothers who might judge them because they have left their children home for others to raise them.
Motherhood is a full time job. It does not end at 5:00 o’clock as outside jobs do. There is not a regular paycheck coming in to reward you and there are not many people in your life that pat you on the back for all the talent you need to have to deal with the hundreds of tasks you do as a stay-at-home parent. The rewards of motherhood come in hugs and sticky kisses on a daily basis, and hopefully in the long run when you watch your child grow to be a caring, independent adult.
In an effort to ease mother’s concerns about going back to work and facing longer hours in their work day, our school is considering a before and after school program to help them. We are contemplating offering an 8:00am to 9:30am before school drop off and a 1:30-5:00pm after school program. This will hopefully allay concerns of families who need to find loving and caring places to put their children during their work hours.
My wish for mothers who are economically trapped and must return to the work force, is that you maintain a good balance between work and being with your children. Make sure that when you get home, you spend time listening to your child’s day and not get too involved in the household jobs that you think have to be done immediately. Make a mental note that you leave work at work. Stay in the present with your children when you get home and you will have enough of the “quality time” with them you missed while you were at work.
Remember that no one is asking you to be a “super mom” whether you must to go back to work or stay at home. It is easy to feel guilty at work and guilty at home. Try to accept that while your role as both a mother and a worker carries equal weight in your life, there is just so much that one person can accomplish in one day. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a mom who goes to work, make sure that you add time in your week for yourself. Remember the saying, “If mom isn’t happy, no one in the house is happy.”
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
It is always difficult for me to write my end of the year newsletter. Closures, like beginnings, mean change and change makes me readjust the things in my life that were once comfortable, routine and sure-footed. Over the years, however, I have come to learn that closures can be very exciting, positively challenging and most definitely rewarding. I use to think that holding on to people, experiences and things would make me strong, but I now know that sometime it is letting go that does just that. This has been an incredible year of watching the growth of all the children at our early childhood center and I am ready to say good-bye and welcome all the new changes they will make in their lives as well as in mine.
The teachers in our school have recognized and appreciated the range of variability of intellectual and emotional growth of each child, and were careful to set up a curriculum that would meet the needs of each student. We, as a staff, have come to recognize that children work better, learn better, and grow better if the time they spend in school has healthy periods of self-expression. The teachers and I took the time to observe your children so that we could value their intrinsic characteristics.
I am certain that the children felt our respect and regard for their accomplishments and for their own inner strengths so that they could one day come to love themselves, as well as others. All the teachers at the Huntington Jewish Center have come to appreciate the value of childhood with its special joys, sorrows, worries and concerns and have truly honored the souls of each child in their classes.
Over the past 10 months, we have grown close, have become a part of each other and shall always retain a little part of each other. We have loved, laughed, played, and enriched our lives together. The children will go forth having had words of encouragement, respect shown them, and will hold the simple gestures of kindness that hopefully they will spread to the other people in their lives they will soon come to know. I want to thank all the parents in the school who have worked with us to secure these foundations for life in our children. Together we were able to provide the richest environment possible so that the children can grow up to express their fullest humanity. What more rewarding responsibility could you have than to raise a generation of loving, compassionate, caring, productive adults?
I am always filled with hope and awe when I think of the possibility of a world filled with these sorts of nurturing individuals. You have given your children the feeling that they are valued apart from anything they own or any skill they learn. Children need to feel they enhance the life of someone else and that they are needed. You have done your job well and we are so proud to be part of your child’s continuing development and growth.
Many years ago, I read a passage in a book that best describes the strength and courage I now have about the transitions in my life such as letting go of the children each year in June. The passage has guided me through some of the recent and difficult periods in my life such as saying good-bye to what is most familiar and loved. I hope that it does the same for you as the end of this year draws near.
He said, “Come to the edge.”
And they said, “We are afraid.”
She said, “Come to the edge.”
And they said, “But we will fall off.”
He said, “Come to the edge.”
And they came to the edge.
And she pushed them off.
And then, they began to fly.
I would like to take the time to salute my entire staff of teachers and Cantor Carol who have made an enduring impression on the lives of all the children in their classes. Their warmth and love for each child they taught this year is truly the vital element for the growing soul of each child.
A special thanks to Jennifer, Marilyn and all the members of the parent association for all the hard work they have done over the course of the year to help new parents in our school become a part of our early childhood center and for doing an amazing job of raising money to benefit the children.
I would also like to thank Bernice, who is my bridge when I need to get across and who steadies herself long enough for me to run across safely.
Have the most wonderful summer and I look forward to seeing all of you next year.