by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Over the past few summers, my husband and I have chosen one challenging vacation so that we can enter the New Year with a sense of renewal, self reflection and harmony of our body, mind and soul. This year our hiking trip to Switzerland surely prepared us for all the excitement that new beginnings at the start of the year would bring. It helped to remind me that parents who are sending their children to our school for the first time have probably felt many of the same feelings of anticipation and concern during their own journey of selecting a preschool for their child, as my husband and I felt.
It took my husband and me months to plan a trip through Switzerland that would satisfy our love for hiking and mountain life. The hikes we chose led us to six small towns via mountain climbing. Each day we would hike about six or seven hours until we arrived in the next community. Many of the hikes took us to heights over 8,000 feet. We hiked often above the tree line and sometimes above the clouds as well. Our bags would be taken by rail to the next hotel and if we were lucky enough to correctly follow our trip notes, compass and mountain signs, we would be comforted that night by a wonderful inn picked out by the company that designed our trip with us.
From the start I knew that I had to let go of all the things that I was comfortable with in my life—my children and grandchild, my car, the comforts of my own home, people that I could count on, the English language, roads that were flat, large food portions on my plate, (since the Europeans know what an appropriate amount of food is to eat) and air conditioning. Transitions in life are not always easy for me, but my love for adventure and the joy of new beginnings propelled me to step away from my comfort zone and daily rituals.
It is not so dissimilar for parents who seek to send their children to nursery school for the first time or continue in the school with a new set of teachers and children. It is a long process for parents to make sure that the school they select provide the love, safety and educational philosophy that is in keeping with what they give to their children each day. Letting go of their responsibilities to their children for the short period of time they are in nursery school can cause parents to feel less sure footed—just as my husband and I felt going to a new country where the customs and the landscape were not familiar and we had to rely on our physical, emotional and spiritual strengths to get us through the intensely difficult hikes we decided to endure.
It takes time for parents to develop trust in the teachers they are now relying on to love and nurture their offspring. Parents also have to develop the belief that their child is indeed capable of sustaining on their own without them being nearby to rescue them from the mountains they must climb in a new environment with adults who might have new rules for them and children who create social challenges they are not yet skilled enough to handle. What I have learned through the years of being a parent is that when I truly believed my children could succeed and passed that message on to them, they did.
In preparing for our trip my husband, Jay, and I assumed we thought of everything before we sent ourselves into this new adventure. But life has its funny ways to let us know that although there will be bumps along the way and nothing will always go as planned, you can survive. The first day of our trip we had to take a train from the Zurich airport to a place we could barely pronounce. After an hour and a half of train travel, Jay and I were very much alone on the train as all the passengers had gotten off on a wide variety of stops. Suddenly, all the lights went off on the train and I became somewhat concerned. The train then stopped and we both looked out the window. We were in the railroad yard! Jay then began to go back and forth through the cars and no one, including the conductor, was there. Well, after a long time of figuring out how we could possibly get out of this mess, a man appeared on the train to collect the morning papers left by morning commuters. Of course he did not speak any English, but through a great game of charades we explained to him that we apparently were lost and needed help. It was not the best way to begin our journey but a good laugh by the two of us was had when the man sweetly drove the train back to the last station platform so we could get off and find the right train to continue our journey.
Beginnings are always filled with little bumps along the way. But there is a sweetness and incredible feeling of satisfaction at the end of the journey due to the struggles along the road. Parents will experience many trials and tribulations while letting go of their children, but what is most important for them to remember is that there will be many people other than themselves to guide their children to get back on the tracks to living life. “A single twig breaks, but the bundle of twigs is strong.”
I am reminded of a preschool story that I think will best help parents realize the strength children feel in taking their first steps into uncharted waters. “Row, row, row your boat,” sang the preschoolers sitting in a cardboard refrigerator box. Jill leaned over and one side of the box ripped open. The kids spilled onto the carpet.
“Get back in and roar, roar, roar your boat,” yelled little Sarah.
Children keep going on merrily despite the little “breaks” in their day. As long as they have the strength from you and each other, “life is but a dream.”
Have a happy and healthy New Year. L’Shanah Tovah.
Susie
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
“If we are to achieve a richer culture, rich in
contrasting values, we must recognize the
whole gamut of human potentialities, and so
weave a less arbitrary social fabric, one in
which each diverse human gift will find a
fitting place.”
Margaret Mead
Throughout the years that I have been a director, I have come to see many changes in our preschool educational system. Perhaps one of the biggest changes I have seen is the growing number of children who have special needs in our classrooms. Our school is blessed to have teachers who are working hard to understand the neurodevelopmental level of each child. The staff is also working with parents and specialty teachers that come to our school each day so that we can meet the learning needs of each child and thereby enhance their strengths in order to preserve the hope for their future, Due to our educational policy of inclusion, we as a staff have grown as professionals.
Most of our classes have become inclusion classes. Inclusion refers to the commitment to educate each child to the maximum extent possible, as equal members in a society in which all children are given the same opportunities to reach their potential. Inclusion is not simply about placing a child with special needs in a regular classroom. Inclusion, according to Susan Astor, M.S. Special Education, is about how we deal with diversity in our society and how we deal with, or avoid dealing with, our own differences, weakness, and fears.
According to Dr. Mel Levine in his book One Mind At A Time, “Each of us is endowed with a highly complex, inborn circuitry—creating innumerable branching pathways of options and obstacles. While some of us have brains that are wired to handle a lot of information at once, others have brains that can absorb and process only a little information at a time.” This is just one example of how complicated our brains are and how everyone’s brains are wired differently. In our society we all live with minds wired to excel in one area and fail in another. I am therefore less concerned about the label that some of our children at school are given like ADD {Attention Deficit Disorder} or PDD {Pervasive Development Disorder} because I am focused more on how we can help these children function in an environment that is sensitive to their needs. Many of our staff members have taken workshops on how to detect children who seem our of sync in the class. We have learned how to include parents in our daily observations of their child and have encouraged parents to go for a full neurodevelopmental screening. In recent years, the teachers at HJC have gone to meetings with a variety of specialty teachers from the child’s school district so that a course of action appropriate to the child’s needs could be met. We therefore have many occupational, speech, and physical therapists coming to our school to provide services to the child who needs physical, emotional, and social or educational help. The parents and our entire staff are in agreement that early intervention in our nursery school is critical.
I have watched children who were non-verbal at the beginning of the school year develop their language skills through therapy and have full conversations with their friends at the end of the school year. There were children who did not have a clue how to interact with other classmates and were taught these skills by their occupational therapists. By the end of the year these children had developed close friendships. It is so heartwarming to all of the staff to watch the slow and steady growth of children who might have struggled through their elementary school years had they not been part of a school that believed in early intervention and inclusion. We are certain that the years children spend at our nursery school become a strong foundation for their future success in school, their development of self-esteem and their ability to relate to people in their lives.
The process of inclusion and the encouragement of each individual child allows each person to develop his or her talents or gifts. Our staff has come to realize that the greater the diversity in our classes the richer our capacity to create a more humane and caring society. We are committed to continue our own learning of how each child takes in information and functions so that each child will find success in life.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
On a beautiful summer day this past summer, my daughter dropped off my 2-year-old granddaughter Sadie for a weekend sleepover. Need I tell you how my husband and I planned for this? In one weekend the three of us were going to go to the park, the petting zoo, her favorite restaurant, the toy store, ice cream parlor, and a trip to the carousel in one of the malls. All of this sounded great to us and we couldn’t wait to share it with Sadie when she came to our house.
When my daughter left we proceeded to tell Sadie what we were going to do first. Much to our great surprise, Sadie had responded in a totally different way than what we expected. She simply said, “Sadie really, really wants to relax.” With our mouths open, we re-embellished the places we wanted to take her to, but she persisted on saying that she really just wants to relax. What was her concept of relaxing? Sadie just wanted to play in the house with all the items we have there for her and not run around doing what we felt was more educational and more fun for her. And being the loving grandparents that we are, Poppy, Nanny and Sadie just relaxed in the house most of the weekend.
Why am I sharing this little story with you? Perhaps the best weekend I had this summer was relaxing with my granddaughter. I am so geared to grabbing life in by running to complete my list of “to do’s” which never seems to get done because the list, like the hangars in my closet, just keeps growing. Making relaxation part of a child’s life is perhaps one of the best gifts you can give yourself, family and child.
In today’s world, children are programmed into a rigid schedule of afternoon lessons in tennis, gymnastics, soccer, religious school, piano practice, swimming, karate and so much more. It feels like children do all these activities in one day. Gone are the carefree days of leisurely play, of hours not scheduled, of trips to a friend’s house where children come up with their own idea of play. I hear mothers in our school who have more than one child express their emotional and physical fatigue to me because their week is spent driving their children from one activity to another.
More than ever, children need to learn how to relax. They need to turn off the electronic stimulation, such as computers, radios, televisions, i-pods and electronic games to allow their minds to rest. Clare Cherry, author of Something Quiet, wrote that children are entitled serenity. She states, “If children never learn how to turn inward they may be affected adversely by unrelieved stress.” Relaxation is not something that comes naturally. It is a learned skill and must be taught just like all the other activities and skills we want our children to partake in. I have often recommended to parents during children’s preschool years, to set time aside each day just to relax. You can set the stage for this routine by darkening the room, lowering your voice speaking slowly, and moving about the house in a gentle way. Playing quiet music can also bring the level of stress down in the house. Having your child close his eyes while listening to the music can help as well.
Children who use imagery to abet relaxation will increase their ability to imagine. There are so many ready-made images that children are exposed to in today’s world through videos, computers and television that the ability to imagine is becoming less and less necessary. What would happen if our future generation becomes less capable of imagining solutions to problems and challenges, seeing beyond what already exists, or even putting themselves in the shoes of others in order to give empathy? Imagery is a great way for children to learn how to slow their bodies down. Ask your child to pretend he is a stick of uncooked spaghetti and then a cooked piece of spaghetti. You can have your child be an ice cube on a hot summer day. Make your child close his eyes and ask him to pretend in his mind that he is on a beach with the warm summer breeze blowing all around him while the ocean waves surround him.
Relaxation for children also helps them gain greater motor control. Children who can voluntarily relax will be better able to start and stop their movements with ease and execute slow and sustained movements as well as fast motions. Although young children might not understand the concept of contract and release, they can understand the terms calm and nervous. Explain the concept of calm by getting them to sense what their bodies feel like right before they go to sleep, or watching ants crawl into a hole. Your muscles are relaxed as you watch the wonder of the world. The concept of nervous can be explained when a child is with his mother in a store and for a few moments he has lost sight of her. The muscles and bodies feel tight. Yoga for children has become very popular. Parents who take the time to teach children the art of stretching, breathing and slowing their heart rate down give children a lifetime of using this art form to cope with the ever increasing demands at school, with their peers and life in general.
My weekend with Sadie became one of my most wonderful reminders of slowing down and taking life in so that I can stop and smell those beautiful roses. She reminded me that staying in the moment is far better than putting another check mark on the ever growing list of things to do. I am also reminded of a short piece I read in a book by Ruth Reardon entitled Listening to the Littlest. It is called “Hurry, Hurry, Hurry.”
Where are we hurrying to? Is this the way to life?
Is this the way to love? Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry,
back and forth, forth and back.
Where are we hurrying to? Is this the way to grow?
Is this the way to learn? What is the hurrying for?
Missing so much— Not stopping to touch.
Where are we hurrying to? Will we know when we get there?
Or will we keep on
hurrying,
hurrying,
hurrying……
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Each month I facilitate a support group for parents so that they can get help with the daily challenges that arise with preschoolers. There are many skills that parents tap when they are trying to understand their own child’s behavior. Perhaps the most important skill of all, to me, is that of “listening.” When we are able to listen to children without criticizing, judging, or handing them a solution, we are surprised by what is actually bothering them. Most parents in the group who have tried some of the tips I have given them, begin to realize how many crisis situations they try to put out get subdued by the sheer act of listening.
There are so many emotions that children feel--anger, jealousy, fear and sadness. All the same emotions we have as adults. My mother’s favorite expression to me when I started my career in early childhood education was that young children are just “little adults” and they feel all the same emotions adults feel. Keeping that in mind helped me take all of my future student’s reactions and emotions more seriously so that I never got caught minimizing or denying their feelings.
The skill of being a receptive listener takes time and energy. It’s important that parents put aside all that they are involved in to truly hear and understand what their child is saying. As an empathetic listener, parents can paraphrase their child’s words. When a child says “I’m scared,” a parent can repeat, “It’s frightening.” Another good technique to invite children to elaborate on their feelings is to turn a child’s statement into a question, instead of interrogating a child with the question, “why?” A child might come home from school and say that her friend Patty would not play with her all day. You simply have to say, Oh, so your friend Patty wouldn’t do the things you wanted her to do with you today? Give your child time to elaborate and just reflect what you think your child is feeling and saying. If a child comes home and states, “My friend broke my favorite toy this afternoon”, a parent can simply reply “Oh, I see.” or “Mmm” which lets children know that you are responding in an empathic way.
In a magazine put out by the Board of Jewish Education, I found a wonderful article that clearly speaks about the issue of listening from the perspective of a child. I’d love to share it with you and add a few of my own examples.
What better gift can we give to our children than listening to them? It’s the key to making our children feel truly valued.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Many years ago when my father and I were having dinner together, he told me a story of what happened to him while he visited a customer. In the customer’s office were pictures of his seven grandchildren, all under the age of ten-years- old. My father told him how lucky he was to have so many wonderful grandchildren. Waiting for the grandfather to agree with a proud smile, my dad was greatly surprised by the man’s response. The customer said, “I will let you know how wonderful they are when they are all grown up and independent. That is when you can tell how wonderful they are.” When the story was told to me, I had two young children of my own. It was that story that made me think how long it would take to determine whether or not I did my job well as a parent. Now that I am a grandmother, the story makes me realize that parents get little positive feedback about the job they do with their children. One exception, of course, are the times their children express appreciation in words or with a hug for what is being done for them on a regular basis.
Several weeks ago, in a ‘Mommy and Me’ group I was facilitating, the story my father told me came to mind. One mom in my group shared a story about how her child, at a play date, acted out in ways she had never seen. The other mother just watched in disbelief but managed to give a look that spoke louder than words. The look said, “I can’t believe your child is acting in this way.” All sorts of insecurities popped up in her head as she evaluated her own parenting after taking her child home. Unfortunately, there isn’t a scale or a universal system set in place to determine whether or not you, as a parent, are doing a good job in bringing up your child. We often rely on others to reflect back whether or not we are doing it right or whether we are falling short in our parenting skills. There is usually no shortage of advice from grandparents, other mothers and friends as to how to raise your child to be a true mensch and what you could be doing differently in this regard. It was Fred Rogers who once said, “One of the mysteries is that as unlike as we are, one human being from another, we also share much in common. Our lives begin the same way, by birth. The love and interdependence of parents and children is universal, and so are the many difficulties parents and children have in becoming separate from one another. As we grow, we laugh and cry at many of the same things, and fear many of the same things. At the end, we all leave the same way. Yet no two threads—no two lives—in that vast tapestry of existence have ever been, or ever will be the same.” It is for each parent to determine what is working well in their parenting journey.
Each child who comes into this world is indeed unique. Some children are born with an easy temperament. They don’t require much and demand little from their parents. They are the independent players who self-motivate, follow directions of adults and make friends easily. There are children who are high energy and require parents to watch every move for fear they will get hurt while living life close to the edge. Some children are born with a shy disposition and require parents to continually push them into situations that the child might naturally veer away from. Then there are children born with an incredible sense of themselves who we often call “determined” or “strong willed” and challenge their parents to put limit sets into play on a regular basis. Some mothers report that they are single parenting because their husbands don’t come home until after their children are sleeping. This puts pressure on the moms to sustain a physical and mental energy that goes beyond most human capacity. Parents need to observe their own children, understand who they are themselves, and continue to become aware through books, support groups and role modeling other parents how they want to best raise their children. It is a daunting task since parents also have to be incredibly knowledgeable about developmentally appropriate behavior during each stage of their child’s growth. Since all children are unique and come from different backgrounds, it makes no sense to compare how your child is growing up in comparison to someone else’s child, even if circumstances are similar. Our only job as parents is to mirror back to our children that they are true miracles born with certain gifts that make them unique.
I always remind mothers to limit their judgment of how other mothers are coping with their position of parenting. We should not use other parents as a barometer of how well we are doing as parents. I once saw a mother visiting a supermarket smugly smile when she observed another child screaming in the store. It was apparent to me that she assumed her own parenting skills were up to snuff because her child was behaving. She should remember it could be her child next week doing the same thing. Our only barometer of how we are parenting should come from within on a regular basis. Learning how to discipline is an art and needs a lot of preparation and patience. It is not important if a child is acting out because we all know that children do that all the time to express their independence from us, or fatigue or even hunger. What truly matters is whether the parent understands why the child may have behaved in a “negative” way. The next step is to respectfully address the matter with the child whether at home or in a public arena. Remember, your children are independent of you once you cut the umbilical cord. They should be allowed to go through all the stages of childhood and limit testing, and not be expected to act like adults when they are not.
Everyone wants to feel they are adequate parents, even superior parents. So often parents hide their feelings of inadequacy and become fearful someone will think they are “bad” parents. It is most important for parents to believe that they can improve their parenting skills and empower themselves with education, interaction and increased awareness, so that they use the tools they already possess to become better parents. This in turn will allow them to feel confidence in what they do on a daily basis with their children and perhaps be less concerned over being judged by others. Developing an intrinsic appreciation for your job of parenting is also helpful. It is a long, long road parents travel when they have to wait to determine if their children will grow to be decent and good human beings. It would be an even easier road for parents if they found other people to help nourish their souls along the way.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
In recent years since the World Trade Towers were destroyed, I have become sensitive to world events that have flooded the news bringing us a feeling of doom and gloom. The Iraq war, conflict between Israel and neighboring countries, Darfur, global warming are a sample of the headlines we Americans are flooded with each day. It has always been my nature though, to glean what I can from tragic situations and difficult times in my life so even if I can’t change the events, I can at least view my life in a better way.
Throughout the years since the collapse of the Twin Towers, television flooded us with graphic visions of the world at large, and as all of you know, the vision was not very optimistic. I have always been concerned that parents who want to keep up with world events would innocently allow children to hear or see the anguish of history as it plays itself out in our multitechnical homes. The unraveling of world events can have a devastating impact on children as their innocence and childhood deteriorates. The message that I gave parents after 9/11 was to focus on the remarkable events that came out of the tragedy. Hopefully, one day the children will be able to understand that life is a precious gift and this world is filled with people who work for peace and harmony.
There are many things I reflected on during these past few years besides taking stock of all my blessings. I thought at great length about what I would say to parents who are raising children in these troubled and scary times. The same thoughts came to mind each and every day I thought about the World Trade Center tragedy. I would like to share them with the many parents who read this bulletin and come to see me regularly for a little dose of parenting advice.
Tell your children each and every time they wake up and when they go to sleep that you love them. Hug and kiss them often. Speak to them with the same respect you would your closest friend.
Tell them that even though something terrible happened in the world, there will be many heroic and heart warming events that will follow. You must tell your children that thousands of people, including our brave fire fighters and police help others each and every day to make their world as safe and caring as can be. Tell stories that also come into the news of people who go out of their way to help those in need.
Tell them that the people who make movies, shows for television, cartoons, toys, write books, should be more diligent in telling children that violence is never okay. They should be more responsible and make children know that being kind and caring is what brings people joy and happiness.
Ask your children how they would like to help other people who might need help in their own family and community. Take your children to a soup kitchen, home for the aged, etc. so that you can teach them what it means to be compassionate, and help them to understand the concept of “acts of kindness.” Make sure that you always “whistle a happy tune.” Your children will face many challenges and hard times in their life and by your showing them that when times are difficult, keeping a positive attitude and feeling of confidence will make the challenges a lot easier.
This is a good time for parents to show their children the power of prayer and the teachings of God. Going to Synagogue or House of Worship can be a great source of comfort and healing. Teach your children to look, listen and trust the wisdom that lies within them. Teach them to remember that whatever happens serves a higher good despite the appearances to the contrary.
Stop each day and say one nice thing to someone who has done something for you or someone you have touched during the day. Let your children hear kind words so that they will come to learn that the greatest human emotion on earth is to be appreciated for who they are.
You must tell children that peace comes when they learn to love themselves and all the beautiful things and people they touch.
Make sure that when you have family meetings, you listen to your children’s words and thoughts and give them a chance to listen to yours. Work as a family to mediate problems that arise on a regular basis.
I am forever changed by the last six years of world events. I am certain everyone is. As I said at the start of this article, I am the eternal optimist and have always embraced life fully so it is my belief that people who love and appreciate life as I do will continue to try each day to make the world just a little bit better by their acts of kindness. I will end this article with a quote I have cherished and thought about many times during the challenges in my life. It is written by Kahil Gibran. “In every winter’s heart lies a quivering spring and behind the veil of each night waits a smiling dawn.”
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
One afternoon in January I turned on the television to witness a 13 year old from Long Island get savagely beaten by three of her schoolmates. I could barely watch the video without crying and questioning how on earth young girls like these could have gone so astray in their sense of what is right and wrong. What made the story more horrific was that several boys were videotaping the assault and then placed the video on MySpace, YouTube, and Photobucket, three websites that are popular among teens. In my 38 years of teaching and directing young children, I have never felt more dedicated to addressing the issues of teasing and bullying with parents and young children. In a world that appears out of control in cultural, religious, and humankind intolerance, it behooves all of us to question our part in this worldwide phenomenon.
Bullying can be easily described as physical or mental intimidation. We often see signs of bullying in preschool. Our staff has worked hard to discern the difference between conflict resolution and bullying. Here is an example of conflict resolution: Terry and Betty are playing in the housekeeping corner and both of the girls reach for the bread basket. Terry makes sure to have a tight grip on the basket while Betty does the same. This is good example of social conflict. The teacher arrived on the scene and asked the children what took place. She helped the children to problem solve how both of their needs could be satisfied. It is also important to note that at very young ages, children are not expected to understand the concept of sharing as this skill begins to be conceptualized at four or five years of age. When children this young are having conflict, learning the art of negotiation is an important life long skill. It is both natural and necessary for children to be engaged in and navigate through conflicts.
Josh and Billy are playing in the block corner. Daniel approaches the area and wants to play. Josh says to Daniel, “this block corner is just for me and Billy and you can’t play with us. We don’t like you and you can’t play here. Scram or you’ll be sorry.” This is an example of the beginning stages of bullying. The teacher in the class recognized that Josh used a “threatening voice” with Daniel. This made the teacher move in quickly to reiterate the rules in the classroom and what behavior has a “no tolerance” policy.
In a recent article I read by a parent educator, Marna Holland, she states, “Bullying occurs when there is an unequal balance of power between two children and one child repeatedly and deliberately intimidates or abuses the other. A five year old who habitually taunts or threatens a fearful three-year-old is bullying. A four-year-old who repeatedly teases or acts aggressively toward another four-year-old she perceives as weaker or vulnerable is also bullying.” When children are in conflict situations, all parties are equally upset. When children are in bullying experiences, the bully remains calm while the child being bullied will be very upset. It is a very common occurrence in the preschool setting to have children create rules during social play. The problem of bullying occurs when a child uses those rules to control or humiliate another child.
Bullying takes on many forms. It can be physical, as seen on the video I described at the beginning of this article, verbal or emotional. Most boys will usually resort to hitting, kicking or pushing to bully another child while girls use social exclusion and verbal taunting to humiliate their peers. Unlike physical aggression, which can be handled more easily, verbal taunting and malicious teasing can happen in quiet, soft spoken whispers that will be harder for parents and educators to see.
Marna Holland states, “Both bullies and their victims tend to have certain characteristics. Children who are bullies may grow up in homes where aggression is considered normal behavior. Frequently, children who bully have not had clear limits and boundaries for appropriate behavior established at home. Bullies struggle more than other children to feel empathy and compassion for others and may feel little or no guilt for their actions. Bullies like to be “in charge” and are often very “boss” in their interactions and play with other children.”
Children who fall prey to bullies share many of the same characteristics. Some of the children who are bullied more often tend to be socially awkward, timid, small in stature, have certain disabilities, are overweight, cry frequently, or appear anxious, which can be an easy target for the children who want to make themselves feel stronger. It is very common for the ego-centric child to not see the other child’s emotional reaction to their bullying or teasing. A child who is verbally or physically picked on in our school will usually draw the teacher’s response immediately. We go to the aggressive child and make him look at the physical and facial response of the victim. We say, “Look at Daniel’s face. When you told Daniel that he couldn’t play in the block corner with you it made him cry and feel excluded.” It is critical for us to show children social cues of their behavior. We then tell the victim that it is okay to say, “You are not the boss of me or the block corner.”
Empowering the victim with clear scripts to say is very important. Telling the children to use their words is not specific enough. Which words should they use? It is up to the parent and the teacher to give the exact statement children can express to those who are bullying or teasing them
The National Association for the Education of Young Children came out with a list of assertiveness skills for children to adopt when confronted with bullying. Some of these are:
Much of what children see on television, read in books, and of course what they are now exposed to on the computer gives parents an extremely challenging role in helping children not role model poor behavior. Those of us who turn on the television show “American Idol” see in clear view how adults, such as the three judges, can impact young adults in thinking there is no harm in making fun of someone’s talent or appearance. Bullies need to understand that their behavior is unacceptable and hurtful and that there are inevitable and appropriate consequences to bullying. I will not be counted as a viewer on “American Idol” again. Those of us who stand by quietly to such behavior empower the bully.
In the Declaration on the Principles of Tolerance, UNESCO, it is stated, “Tolerance is respect, acceptance and appreciation of the rich diversity of our world’s cultures, our forms of expression and ways of being human. Tolerance is harmony in difference.” Empowering young children with the gift and skills of standing up to what they believe is right and good will have far reaching effects on what our world will look like before we leave this earth.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Through the years of directing a preschool and the 32 years I have invested in my own parenting, I could never understand why a course in “parenting” was not required in high school and college. I grew up with wonderful parents who, at the time they were raising my sister and me, did the best job they could to instill good values and help us build a strong sense of ourselves. Much of what we learned from our parents helps to guide us through our own parenting journey. There will be times that we will emulate what our parents did with us or make sure that we avoid repeating mistakes we assumed our parents made. Throughout the years we observe how our parents treated us, we come to absorb a view of who we are and a view of the world at large. Our job as parents is to learn how to keep the good stuff we learned from our parent role models and change the more negative experiences.
The positive family rituals that were created by our parents during our growing years serve as a great model for us to emulate with our own children. In my home, my father and mother set up a Sunday breakfast ritual that as a teenager, I often protested. My dad worked six days a week and the only time that we would be together as a family would be Sunday mornings. My father would get up early and buy an enormous amount of food from our local delicatessen. At 7:00 am. I could smell the coffee brewing and by 8:00 am, I was expected at the breakfast table. My father would put on a record and we would spend a great deal of time sharing what happened during the week and dancing to the music. I didn’t much mind the ritual when I was younger, but when I got older, all I wanted was to sleep late. Looking back at all the fun we had on Sunday mornings I continued the same ritual when my own children were growing up. It is an easier task for parents to recreate the happy and positive experiences had in our own childhood such as bedtime rituals, holiday traditions and meal time pleasures. The tricky part for parents is what to make of the more negative childhood experiences that occurred for them. Many times parents feel they have to go to the other extreme with their children, which in the long run might not work either.
When my father and mother were growing up, they experienced the stock market crash. They could both remember the times they had to ration food in their home when only the bare necessities were purchased. My father was determined that my sister and I would never experience the deprivation that he felt growing up, so we were showered with gifts and materialistic items all the time. My mother, on the other hand, took that same negative experience and instead of doing what my father did, taught my sister and me how to save money and spend it wisely. Using the negative experiences that you had in your years growing up in relationship to your parents doesn’t have to result in a black or white response during the years of parenting your own children. My mother realized that there was much to learn from the hard times that happened to her family after the crash, so she taught us to be a smart consumer so that there would be enough money for spending on vacations and other items of pleasure, (a lesson, I might add, I am still trying to learn.)
Childhood experiences can and do exert a less obvious influence. Our understanding of who we are and how people relate to one another are also learned from how our own parents conducted their lives with others and their own children. Way before language is developed, a child creates a lens through which he perceives the world based on his household happenings. Parents, who always discipline their children harshly, might have their children respond by thinking that they are bad and grow up with lower self esteem. However, a parent who is generally warm and loving but yells a lot might have a child who interprets that as a parent who momentarily lost control and thus is able to maintain a good sense of himself. It is much easier for people who come from intact, caring households where parents give their children a positive regard for themselves while also teaching them the consequences of their actions accompanied by good limit sets. The contrast, for example, is the child, who must interpret the relationship of bickering or divorced parents, or houses where there is sheer chaos due to financial, emotional or health issues.
It is so critical for parents, before they enter parenthood, to reflect back on what it was like for them in their own childhood. In an article I recently read about this issue, it was suggested that parents identify the attitudes, values, and family experiences that helped them grow in a positive way. Values about the importance of education, money, politics, spending time together, how you treat other people, are just a few of the things you can take with you with more understanding to your own parenting style. You might also want to think of the positive impact that other people in your life had on you, for example, a grandfather, teacher, family friend, sister. How did these people help you to grow in a more positive way? What wonderful traits did they see in you that helped you define your life?
Make sure that before or during your parenting years you observe how other people respond to their children and others. There is much to be learned from people you see responding to their children in a fashion that you might have appreciated from your own parents. Remember that you cannot change the past, but you can certainly learn from it. Even if your own parents didn’t get it all right, it is still your job to keep growing, reflecting, observing and envisioning yourself as the parent you would like to become so that your children grow up with good self-esteem and a positive image of their influence in the world.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
As a little girl, my dream was to become a teacher and then a mother. Most of the girls I was friendly with had similar dreams, and all of them followed the same path. In the 1950’s, there were not as many career choices offered to young women. Most of the mothers in my community, including my own mother, never entertained the idea of going back to their work after they had children. Society revered the role of motherhood and women, for the most part, saw it as their only option. My how things have changed! When I left my teaching job to become a full time mother, I had a glorious vision of how life was going to be. There I was in my dream, playing with my children all day long, giving them meals that they loved, having a husband that came home and worked with me in the kitchen. It was just like I had seen on T.V. shows such as “Father Knows Best.” What was I thinking?
Somehow or other, my mother exhibited the qualities I thought I would have when I became a mother myself. She was a full time nurturing mother. She was home everyday I came home from school waiting with a great snack, loving hug and time to listen to my idle chatter about the day’s events. She helped my sister and me do our homework, saw to it that we got a good night’s sleep and always had time to make my father a full meal. She did a daily clothing wash in the laundry room a block away and hung our wash up to dry on the designated clotheslines in the back of our garden apartments because we did not have dryers. Since we only had one car, used by my father for work, my mother walked one mile to the shopping center, did a full food shop and walked back home. She never complained and always made motherhood look so easy. You can only imagine how much I was looking forward to becoming the mother she was when I had my children.
I don’t remember when I realized that I was NOT my mother, but the image I had in my head about how things were suppose to be was fading with each year I parented my daughters. I was part of a new generation of women in the 70’s who found motherhood not completely fulfilling and because of the economy, I needed to go back to work either full time or part time. I missed the teaching career I had before I got married and I truly missed my weekly paychecks that patted me on my back for a job well done. It is now commonplace for women to hold jobs while managing the house and caring for their family. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the number of working moms had increased over the last thirty years to a whopping 73 percent. In 1998, Catalyst, a non-profit New York advocacy group for women in business, prepared a survey of two-career couples and discovered that two –thirds of the women would continue working with or without the financial need to do so.
There are many parents who adore their role as a mother and regard each day with their children as a gift. Then there are those who say that if they knew motherhood would be this difficult, they would never have had children. Many mothers say that they have become better mothers to their children since they returned to work because they have a new sense of self-worth and feeling of independence. Some mothers feel ashamed to admit this, particularly to other mothers who snicker at them because the have left their children home for others to raise them. Motherhood is a full time job. It doesn’t end at 5:00 o’clock like outside jobs do. There isn’t a regular paycheck coming in to reward you and there aren’t many people in your life that pat you on the back for all the talent you need to have to deal with the hundreds of tasks you do as a stay-at-home parent. The rewards of motherhood come in hugs and sticky kisses on a daily basis, and hopefully in the long run, when you watch your child grow to be a caring, independent adult.
My wish for parents who struggle with their decision to return to work, is that for whatever reason you decided to go back, maintain a good balance between work and being with your children. Make sure that when you get home, you spend time listening to your child’s day and not get too involved in the household jobs that you think have to get done immediately. Make a mental note that you leave work at work. Stay in the present with your children when you get home and you will have enough of the “quality time” with them you missed while you were at work. Remember that no one is asking you to be a “super mom” whether you choose to go back to work or stay at home. If you choose to enter the work force after you have children, don’t feel the need to take on additional tasks to overcompensate. It is easy to feel guilty at work and guilty at home. Try to accept that while your roles as both a mother and a worker carry equal weight in your life, there is just so much that one person can accomplish in one day. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a mom who goes to work, make sure that you add time in your week for yourself. Remember the saying, “If mom isn’t happy, no one in the house is happy.”
Happy Mother’s Day!
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
“One hundred years from now it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much I had in my bank nor what my clothes looked like. One hundred years from now it will not matter what kind of school I attended, what kind of computer I used….. But the world may be a little better because I was important in the life of a child.”
Anonymous
In this centennial year for HJC I thought it would be important to repeat this quote I often think about when each year goes by as quickly as it does. All of us reading this letter will not be here 100 years from now but it is a good time for us to question what we have done with our children today to insure that the world will be a better place for the next centennial.
In our hurried world, the teachers and I have created an atmosphere where children feel comfortable staying in the moment. Our staff collectively envisions this nursery school as a place where childhood is valued as a necessary stage of life, a stage with its special joys, sorrows, and concerns. The students in our school have time to learn their colors, numbers, sense of space and time as well as having the opportunity to develop their sense of self expression. They have enough time to understand the meaning of rules, transition periods, social problem solving and compassion for their peers. For those of us in early childhood education, it is a constant battle to make sure that our future is secure by not hurrying our children through this important stage of life. This year, and throughout the 22 years I have directed the nursery school, the staff and I have stayed vigilant honoring the special attributes of each child who have been in our charge so that one day they will go into the world with a sense of trust and autonomy, of initiative and belonging and compassion and understanding to the needs of the world.
In a recent article I read by a renowned educator, Bev Bos, she reports that the Masai people in Africa often ask the question, “So, how are the children?” {Ke biot ingera.} It is the traditional greeting that takes place between Masai warriors and makes us aware of the importance they place on the welfare of their children. “That the safety and protection of the young and powerless is at the fore front of their people’s thoughts is a model all people should adopt.” In an effort to remind all of us that we will be leaving the world to our children, we must do a better job of asking our politicians, parents, educators, scientists, doctors, ecologists, and just about everyone on earth, “So, how are our children?” because it is our children who will one day inherit what we have done to make this world a better place through our work with them. I often think about the quote “If you plan for a decade, plant trees, if you plan for a century, work with children” because in effect, we are all gardeners who sow the seeds to the future we will never see. It would be foolish for us to think that a gardener who plants a lima bean in the morning would expect to eat it for dinner that evening. We must be patient and nurturing to the greatest resource we have on earth, our children. Our teachers at HJC ask that question, “So, how are the children?” daily so that we can insure we are guiding the children to develop a strong sense of who they are, so one day they will be able to stand up and show their soul with confidence, compassion and deep regard for the diversity in humankind.
It is said that an architect knows that if he builds with care, his structure will last for centuries. A teacher knows that if she builds with love, compassion and truth, what she builds will last forever. That is so for parents as well. Parents and children are woven together into a tapestry of living experience by the countless threads and stitches of their interactions with each other, each of them as a part of the design. We could not have done the work that we did with your children over this year without your help, commitment and promise to give your children roots and wings. It is that gift along with your hard work and deep love that fulfills your stake in human history. It is your belief that once you give your children a strong foundation, they will learn to fly.
It has been an honor being part of HJC’s history. I have been privileged to know thousands of families who have entered our doors. Many of them became synagogue members and many of them kept their friendship with each other long after they left our school. I am certain that parents at HJC this year will do the same. Our staff has become the first ambassadors to families who are seeking religious affiliation and mentors to parents who are looking for help in their difficult job of parenting the preschoolers. I am forever grateful for the blessings I have had watching all the children who came here grow and develop into kind and caring human beings, a legacy that I am certain will have rippling affect for the next century.
I want to take the time to thank Jennifer F. and Marilyn A. and my entire Parent Association for working so hard this year. Through their efforts our school has been able to create an atmosphere of deep concern for the future of our world by honoring the soul of each child at HJC. The Parent Association brought the parents, teachers, children and synagogue together by having a wide variety of events throughout the year which allowed all of us to build a “happy home” at HJC for all the students.
I hope all of you have a healthy and happy summer. I look forward to the next school year and to getting to know all the incoming students and families who will be a part of the HJC magic.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
This summer I had the luxury of a one month vacation in beautiful Vermont where all signs of my daily life were far removed. It gave me the chance to hike, kayak, golf, swim and cook (an activity I seldom do but now have grown to love.) I also had the golden opportunity to stay quiet and contemplate what matters to me in life, both on a personal and professional level. In the busy world I live in, managing a home, working with parents, children and teachers, babysitting my granddaughter twice a week and caring for my mother who lives alone, staying quiet within myself was a true gift. I managed to stay in the moment most of the days there and take in the many gifts of nature, good health, laughter, and friendship with my husband. I knew that when I returned to my hectic routine of life I would be facing a more difficult challenge, how can I recapture this karma in a more stressful environment? This will become my year’s goal---- a new beginning.
September and the onset of Rosh Hashanah always remind me that I have the chance to glean what I have learned from my past experiences so I can carry that with me on my daily journey as a wife, mother, educator and caretaker. By staying in the moment this summer, I was able to reflect on the philosophy of what I have tried to achieve as director at HJC Nursery School through the years. Perhaps I can simply say that I have attempted to show parents that educating the heart is far more valuable than educating the brain. In our school, we try to do both at the same time. In reading a letter on line written by a mother of five children, she wrote, “the brain gives one knowledge but the heart gives it direction and enriches life in a way that logic alone cannot. In the end, it is not the genius (the brain) but wisdom (the heart) that wins out and makes our life fulfilling.” Educating the heart is done by teaching children life’s lessons—the overriding principles that govern our lives and builds good character. We have a chance as early childhood educators to develop qualities such as honesty, kindness, integrity, unselfishness, and being a willing and diligent worker. We can teach children to reach out and help others, learn conversational skills, and last but not least, develop the lifelong art of making and keeping friends.
Over the years some parents have questioned us about our nonpressured approach to learning. I have done some research this summer on the impact of stress on children in a classroom setting. I have always felt that when you create a relaxed, loving environment for children and put out a wide variety of materials for them to explore, you create an atmosphere for true learning. A neurologist/teacher wrote, “neuroimaging studies and measurement of brain chemical transmitters reveal that students’ comfort levels can influence information transmission and storage in the brain. When students are engaged and motivated and feel minimal stress, information flows freely through the affective filter in the amygdala and they achieve higher levels of cognition, make connections, and experience ‘aha’ moments. Such learning comes not from quiet classrooms and directed lectures, but from classrooms with an atmosphere of exuberant discovery.” Our classrooms at HJC have been set up so that children can learn naturally and lovingly from a stress free environment filled with materials that excite children to be creative and scientific.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.” Through the art of play, we combine teaching the brain and the heart. When children roll balls back and forth to each other they become aware of cause and effect. This is basic physics. It is also teaching children how to be patient for their turn, how to share one object, and how to develop rules for their play. When they hum, twirl, and spin, the patterns for music, song, dance, reading and mathematics are being laid down in their brains. When this is done in school, we have children take part in these activities in both small and large groups giving them a chance to learn from each other that there are many ways our bodies can move. Our cooking time in class each day, although it is fun for children while they exchange recipe ideas with one another, gives them a perspective of what chemistry is like. They get to see liquids turn to solids and vice a versa. They learn why breads rise when yeast is put into the recipe. They discover that mixing oil and water just doesn’t come about. At our cooking sessions, children get an opportunity to learn about nutrition, what foods thrill some of them while others turn away. They also learn that each of them are unique and have different preferences. We ask children each day to be diligent workers working together to clean the room. During this part of the day, children help other children do their chores so that they can move on to the next activity more quickly. They are asked to serve snacks, water plants, feed classroom animals, and show guests who visit their classrooms what they do during their busy day. Teaching the heart and the brain are clearly intertwined in every aspect of our curriculum.
Our society has put such pressure on children to learn and get good scores on standardized tests that will one day get them into great colleges. Our parents need to know that children learn best when there is a healthy balance between work and play. Children work better, learn better and grow better when there are healthy periods devoted to self expression mixed with learning the basics. We must honor this period of children’s lives by not hurrying and preparing them for the next stage of life before they get a chance to take in life’s lessons during their early stages of development. Helen Keller said it best when she said, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” It is our goal as early childhood educators to ensure that children in our school achieve trust and independence, initiative and belonging, competence and diligence and an awareness of the needs of others. Success in life is not the product of acquired academic skills, but the product of a good heart and healthy personality.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
When I was a little girl, Sunday morning was the part of the week I loved the most. It was the time my dad, who worked six days a week, made time for us to feel like a family. He would make breakfast, put music on in the living room and entertain us with his incredible gift of humor. On some Sunday mornings, he would get dressed like Carman Miranda and do the funniest interpretation of her performances. We would listen to music by Sophie Tucker, Alan Sherman, Mel Brooks, Victor Borge and Carl Reiner. My father would tell us funny stories of what he was like as a child and how he handled the most stressful times in his life by turning them around with a joke. There was no question in my mind that humor was the best medicine for what ails you.
Children have a natural ability to see the funny side of life. All you have to do is watch their faces when they witness a slapstick situation on a cartoon or a clown doing the most bizarre tricks in a circus. At our last ice cream social this past June, the nursery school hired Melony Mouse, a lady dressed up in a mouse costume, who for 45 minutes did nothing but slapstick humor with puppets, music and magic. The children never stopped laughing and neither did the adults lucky enough to see her in action. Humor helps children release the stress in their lives. It allows them to see that there is a lighthearted side in all situations. It teaches children that when life hands you lemons, you can always make lemonade.
Sadly, some parents, in an effort to teach their children to be responsible, may inadvertently squelch them with too much seriousness, mistakenly equating teaching responsibility by being too stern and hard working. Parents need to take time to play silly games like follow the leader, Simon Says, or Crazy Eights. Parents can add silliness to any time of the day. My husband used to make pancakes shaped like animals so my daughters would have to guess what they were. I would write jokes in their lunch bags so when they were in school they would remember to use humor to lighten their day. Many years ago when Forrest Gump was released, my family enjoyed seeing it together After the movie, my husband told the children he was going to run and get the car. What they didn’t expect was that my husband, in front of everyone leaving the theatre, ran exactly like Forrest Gump around the whole parking lot until he finally found the car. It was a sight none of the people that day will ever forget, including his wife and children.
When children come to see the school for the first time, I tap on my humor to get them relaxed enough to observe all the fun things happening in the classrooms. I usually ask them how old they are. When they tell me that they are four years old, I tell them that I am four years old too. They look at me and smile. Sometimes I get a child with a natural inborn sense of humor who will come back to my statement that I am four by responding, “No, you’re not four, you’re 100.” That’s when I need to dig real deep inside and find the humor in that statement. Sometimes I tell children who have Power Ranger shirts on, that Power Ranger’s favorite food is Power Ranger pizza pie with peanut butter on it. First they look at me as if I am crazy. Then they smile and once I see that infectious grin, I know that I have them relaxed enough to trust me as I show them the school.
I must say that during the teenage years, it is quite challenging for parents to find humor in any situation that involves their children. I was lucky to have married a man whose main goal in life during those trying years was to make his children see the light side of life with him. One day while we were visiting Jamie in college we passed a group of people that she knew and warned her father not to embarrass her. That was the wrong thing to say to my husband. She sent Jay to get some take-out food from a local restaurant. No sooner did he arrive with the food that Jamie noticed her father had two straws coming out of his teeth as he seriously asked her if she needed something to drink. All her friends thought Jay was so cute and funny, and it took several minutes later for my daughter to see the humor. It was many years later that she thanked my husband for always making her become more relaxed within herself and take time out each day to laugh and have fun.
The gift of humor is not about teasing or taunting someone because they are less powerful or different. It is a genuine expression of joy at the ironies and pleasures of life. Without a sense of humor, life can be tedious, colorless, and a terrible burden. People who use humor are usually good communicators because they have the ability to see all sides of a situation. They know that making a mistake is not fatal. As parents it is incumbent upon us to introduce our children to the gift of humor. Did you hear about the little girl at the HJC Nursery School who so proudly invited her grandmother to the Thanksgiving Day Feast? The little girl said, “Oh Grandma, I can’t wait to have you see the Naked Americans and the Pilgrims.” We are so lucky to have children who are naturally gifted with humor share this gift with us each day.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
It has been ten years since I wrote my article on “Turning 50” and can’t believe that I am about to turn “60” years of age. These past ten years have flown by and much has happened in my private and professional life. I have been very blessed to see the birth of my granddaughter, Sadie, have both of my daughters select a profession that serves young children and their families, become more active than I was when I was a teenager as I now hike, swim, lift weights, roller blade and golf. I had the blessing of spending five years catering to my ailing father before he died, which enriched my life immeasurably. I spent valuable time with my family and many friends as they gave my life meaning and definition. I traveled to Europe a great deal these past years and spent many pleasurable weeks in quiet spaces on mountain tops. I read much and escaped in movie theaters throughout the New York area. My staff and I studied Judaism together for two years and then visited Israel where my inner spirituality was embraced. I was very fortunate to find a wonderful woman to care for my aging mother when I cannot be there and I have made peace with all the things I know now I cannot control. It has been a wonderful journey, for I have, as Elizabeth Kubler-Ross once said, “learned to get in touch with the silence within myself, and know that everything in life has purpose. I learned that there are no mistakes, no coincidences, and that all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
I always felt lucky that my birthday fell out right on or around Thanksgiving. I was fortunate to be born with a positive attitude and see life as half full not empty, so as a child, I couldn’t wait to get to the Thanksgiving Day table to tell my family, when they asked, what I am thankful for. I went on forever. I am still that way today. I see much of my life’s disastrous scenarios as a spring board for what I can do better the next time around. I am certain that my mother was the one that taught me to be resilient and optimistic so that I would one day lead a more productive life. She showed me by example that good things in life can last a long time and would have a beneficial effect on everything I did. The bad things that happened to me were always isolated, would not last a long time and would not affect the other parts of my life. I can remember when I ran for a position in the student body in high school and my best friend decided to run for the same position. She won and it was my mother who said right after the election, “Although this one moment is disappointing, remember that you will have many other times in your life that you will shine and become a leader, make sure you never stop trying.” It was a great message, one of many she imparted about seeing me as someone who can be successful in my future endeavors. She gave me hope and that is a gift I will treasure forever.
As parents, our biggest responsibility is to prepare our children for life-physically, emotionally and mentally. We can ensure that our children become successful human beings by helping them develop a positive, hopeful attitude in life. In a recent article I read about instilling hope in your child’s everyday life, the author C.R. Snyder, Ph.D. who wrote the book “The Great Big Book of Hope: Help Your Children Achieve Their Dreams,” stated that high-hope children consistently do better in school and sports. Children that might not have superior abilities will succeed because they set goals and are hopeful. “Children with strong natural abilities, who do not have hope, can have difficulty in achieving their dreams.” Thinking hopefully is something that children can learn and parents can teach.
There are two types of ingredients parents can instill in their children that will help them achieve their goals. One is “waypower” thinking, a belief, according to C.R. Snyder, in our ability to come up with routes to reach our goals. “When children confront obstacles and set-backs, hopeful children believe that they can think of ways to get the things in life that are important. Alternative plans and flexibility are crucial for waypower thinking.” The second ingredient is “willpower” thinking. This is the part that allows children to see themselves as someone who can come up with clear goals, discover the ways to reach desired goals {waypower} and have the motivation to use those routes {willpower}.
When parents help children learn that they can make things happen, they reinforce the concept of waypower. A simple positive recognition to a baby who is rolling a ball back to you on the floor for the first time, is a small example of a parent encouraging causal linkage information. One day, the rolling of that same ball will lead to a game of catch. That is the reason that children at two years of age love to ask the question, “why?” so many times. They are fascinated with “this leads to that” waypower lessons. When children get older, we can encourage them to state their goals as best as they can and then help them break down the steps it will take to achieve these goals. Remember to speak with your children if the first step they take to achieve their goal is not successful, tell them that the experience they gained from the unsuccessful try will provide valuable information to other routes that might work better for them.
Parents need to praise their children whenever they show courage and determination in trying new things. You are their best motivational coaches. This will help develop their “willpower” thinking. When a two year old learns to jump, run, or go to the potty for the first time, play the “credit” game by asking him, “who knows how to run, jump, etc.?” Your child will be more than happy to say, “Josh can run or Josh can jump, etc.” Allow children to make mistakes such as when they are trying to tie their shoes for the first time, or put pegs in a peg board. Don’t be too quick to help your child. Make sure that you teach them the process of learning, not the actual achievement of their goal, is far more rewarding. It is always the journey of trying to achieve new goals that should be praised. Make sure that you remind your child of the book, “The Little Engine That Could.” Even if the little engine had failed to get the toys to the children, he was a mighty train for trying.
Last but not least, listen to your words when you set your own goals. Children will be learning much from how you tackle new tasks and what route you take to accomplish your daily and long term goals. Your language will provide positive role modeling if you try new things with a sense of eagerness, passion and excitement. Life is an adventure and your waypower and willpower will be powerful models for children to learn from. Take time every night before children go to sleep to recapture the blessings in your day and then give them a chance to see some of their own blessings. Write them down so children can see that even if they had a difficult day, there were things that went right for them. I remember someone saying to me, “I am thankful for my large heating bills because it means that I am warm.” Now that is a positive place I hope I can get to one day! There is a great story called “Life Is What You Put Into It” and I would like to share it with you. It will best reiterate that people who are happy and successful believe that life should be 10% happenings and 90% attitude.
A little boy tells his Grandma how everything is going wrong. School, family problems, severe health problems, etc... Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake. She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which, of course, he does. “Here, have some cooking oil.” “Yuck” says the boy. “How about a couple of raw eggs?” “Gross, Grandma!” “Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?” Grandma, those are all yucky!” To which Grandma replies: “Yes, all those things are bad by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! It’s up to you to take life’s ingredients and make them into cake. Have fun trying.
It was George Bernard Shaw who said, “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” Right on George!
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Chanukah is soon approaching and children will be hoping for all the items that were put on their wish lists It is also a time when parents have the most control in directing positive behavior in their children. I can remember my own parents saying to me right before Chanukah arrived each year, "If you don't behave, you won't get what you asked from us for Chanukah." When I was young, I can remember doing more chores around the house in the month of December than any other time of the year. My parent's use of "Chanukah" rewards to get me to do the things I refused to do at any other time of the year worked like a charm. Unfortunately once Chanukah ended, so did my participation in doing the chores. I am not a supporter of materialist rewards for children but do believe there are far more worthwhile ways of getting children to behave.
We all know that children are not born with an automatic knowledge of what is appropriate to do and what is not. The reason why parents feel that rewards work is because if they give recognition to behaviors that are pleasing, the children will do them again. Unfortunately, when monetary or gift rewards are used, the children do the desired task for the wrong reasons and many times, particularly when children get older and smarter, they learn to up the ante. The use of rewards is almost universal today in our homes, schools and workplaces. It was B.F. Skinner who examined the effect that rewards have on behavior. He concluded that rewards fail for many reasons: they punish, rupture relationships, ignore underlying reasons for behavior, discourage risk-taking and undermine interest in the task at hand. It is said that when teachers introduce rewards, student's performance is reduced. Rewards such as stickers or candy only worked on a short-term basis and did not improve the quality of the student's work. Once the rewards were stopped, so ended the student's extra effort in participating in the task.
So what are parents to do when their children are successful on the potty, do the dishes, rake the leaves, etc.? The answer to that question is- natural consequences. It boils down to the "When-then theory" of behavior. When a child does something, then something is going to happen. "Consequences," according to Stephen J. Bavolek, PhD. "can be either pleasant or unpleasant." When a child acts in an appropriate way, he receives a reward which is a pleasant consequence. If a child chooses to act inappropriately, then a punishment is given, which is an unpleasant consequence.
I clearly state at many of my parent support groups that I am not a believer in monetary rewards or punishment. I do believe that children need praise as their reinforcement to help them learn what acceptable behavior is and what is unacceptable. Recognition is more than enough of a reward for most children. For example, Josh helps clean up his toys before going to bed. The reward is a simple statement or recognition by the parent. "Thank you Josh for making it easier to go to bed in a timely fashion." You might feel even more excited about what Josh did and add in a reward that makes more sense to children, and that is a reward of your personal time. You can add to your recognition of what Josh did by saying, "because you cleaned your room so quickly, there is more time for us to read a second book before you go to sleep." Sarah helps her mom put away the groceries. Mom replies, "Sarah, your help really meant a lot to me and now we can get to the park much faster." When younger children are not responsive to doing chores or tasks, parents can simply tell them that when the job is done, even if the parent has to help as well, then there is more time to do something together. Nothing is a greater treat for a child then the reward of having one on one time with a parent. All children look for these moments throughout the day and here is a way to give it to them.
Another quick and extremely effective tool for rewarding children when they act appropriately is a gentle hug, touch on the shoulder, a kiss, and a back rub. Touch, is a helpful tool in developing a healthy social and emotional growth in your child's life.
Parents must be careful not to praise children conditionally. Some examples include: "Anabel, you did a great job going to the potty by yourself, mommy really loves you." "Alex, if you don't brush your teeth, mommy is not going to love you anymore." "Michael, until you clean up your room, I will have nothing to do with you." Conditional praise st: ~ pushes children to feel confused, anxious, and attached to the parent. Many times, this type of reward creates oppositional behavior, power struggles and periods of distrust.
My rule of thumb for praising a child effectively is this, describe behavior. "Jenny, I see you put all the blocks away, wow, that must have been a lot of work." "Billy, I now see a clean table after you washed it with a sponge." Make the reward statements simple and descriptive. Sometimes you can simply say the word "wow" to describe a child's effort to do a task. Make sure that your positive recognition is sincere and not manipulative. Children can pick up insincerity very quickly.
Natural consequences work best when children do inappropriate things. If a child speaks in a disrespectful tone, a parent can simply say When you can speak to me in a tone that is kinder I will listen Until then I cannot hear what you are saying There is no need to threaten a child with taking their T.V. privileges away for a month, since that, for one, has no relevance to the crime and doesn't allow the child to own or change his behavior. If a child hits a parent because he didn't get his way, a simple response is, "I can see you are angry and disappointed that I didn't give you a cookie before dinner, but I am not for hitting. I need to move away from you to keep myself safe until you can get yourself back in control." This is a great time to teach and practice deep breathing techniques with your child that will slow down the anger and allow him to quiet the upset.
It was Tom Cash, an executive at American Express who said, "Human beings need to be recognized for special efforts. You don't even have to give them much. What they want is tangible proof that you really care about the job or task they do. The reward is really just a symbol of that." There is no better reward on earth for young and old, than hearing the words, "thank you I really appreciated your effort."
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Twenty-three years ago, I was told that there was an opening for a directorship in the Nursery School at Huntington Jewish Center. I was teaching the four year old program in a nursery school not too far from where I lived and where my daughter Jodi attended. It was a job I wasn’t looking for but it became a position that changed my life forever.
The Nursery school had been a parent co-op at the time and all the classes were operating on their own. There were only 60 children enrolled and HJC was not only looking to expand the numbers, but to organize the school so that there would be new ways to bring families enrolled in school into HJC’s vibrant synagogue life. I was impressed with the warmth and vision of the board members who I met. At the time, Yvonne Cohen was the only four year old teacher and Susan S., who is still teaching two year olds here, was the only toddler educator. There was one three year old teacher who was leaving and basically, the school needed a fresh start.
Those of us who remember the building before the renovation recall the rooms being smaller and not as airy. We shared our space with the Hebrew School as we do now but closet space was a rare premium. I shared my office with the youth director, and did all the secretarial work. I was director, secretary, accountant, and diaper changer for many years.
With the help of Yvonne, Sue S., Phyllis F. and many other teachers that started with me, there emerged a strong philosophy and curriculum that all of us on the staff felt comfortable with then and now. All the teachers belonged to the Board of Jewish Education and attended the wide variety of workshops that helped us work toward our goal of providing Jewish children with a well rounded and developmentally appropriate curriculum.
Our reputation began to grow and with more students coming to HJC we added additional curricula programs, including music, dance, creative movement, and mommy and me. Summer camp, which was run by Yvonne, also continued to grow.
It was at that time that the construction of the school wing was greatly needed and with good reason. The construction of new classrooms helped boost our enrollment as parents loved the spacious and airy environment which housed a small kitchen and bathrooms for children. Our numbers, which originally were 60, now swelled to 160 and our mommy and me classes went from one to four. Some of the parents who were with us when the school was small missed the intimacy of knowing all the parents, but there were many parents who loved the vibrancy of our expanding population.
Due to the growth at school, I was fortunate to secure a full time secretary, Bernice R., my own office and a suite of rooms that would link me and the Religious School director. The Religious School director at the time was Cindy D. who was also Family Life Coordinator. She was responsible for encouraging me and others to attend a conference at the Whizen Institute in California. The conference encouraged all the arms of the synagogue to be interconnected in new and meaningful ways. Cindy also began a program called Bagels, Blocks and Beyond started by the Suffolk Association of Jewish Educators. Bagels, Blocks and Beyond, helped parents get in touch with their own Jewish identities and learn to practice some of the traditions that the nursery school was taking part in at school. As a result of the schools’ growth the nursery school board was developed and was comprised of nursery school synagogue members. The board became my right hand and helped me develop the annual Chanukah parties, Purim carnivals, breakfast get- togethers, mystery movie nights, Challah sales, and more. Through their generosity of time and spirit, playgrounds were constructed and many necessary items for the classrooms were purchased.
Through the years our school has increased its enrollment to include families of other religious affiliations and nationalities. We have also become an inclusion school encouraging children with special needs to be a part of our daily routine. The teachers have all taken workshops on early childhood special needs. We are involved in writing reports for school districts on the progress of these children as well as attending meetings to coordinate services for the child at school, home and therapy sessions.
Our music program has become one of excellence because of Cantor Carol. Cantor Carol has broadened our Jewish repertoire of songs and added a family Shabbat sing-along bringing all the parents together to welcome Shabbat. We have loved her guitar playing and love for the children who can’t wait until she comes to teach in their class.
The reputation of our school grew throughout the neighboring communities because of our excellent teaching staff. HJC’s teachers became mentors to many teachers and many of them have won awards for their work. As a result, three years ago, we were selected to be part of a two year study program that would not only raise our teachers’ knowledge base on Jewish history and traditions, but enable them to travel and study in Israel. We grew stronger as a staff as a result of this prestigious honor and have remained close till this day.
It has been an honor being part of HJC’s history. I have been privileged to know thousands of families who have entered our doors. Many of them became synagogue members and many of them kept their friendship long after they left our school. Our staff became the first ambassadors to families seeking religious affiliation and mentors to parents looking for help in the difficult job of parenting the pre-schooler. I am forever grateful for the blessings I have had watching all the children grow and develop into kind and caring human beings.
As you can see, I have had a long and incredibly wonderful journey thus far. HJC has recognized my service and has given me the opportunity to take a three month sabbatical beginning January 14th until April 14th. I am looking forward to catching up with books I have yet to find time to read, other nursery schools I would like to visit and travel that will satisfy my thirst for adventure. I want to thank the synagogue from the bottom of my heart for giving me this opportunity and look forward to sharing my sabbatical experience with you when I return.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
Because Susie Meisler is on sabbatical the following is a reprint of an article she wrote several years ago.
Several years ago, my daughter Jamie and I went to a two-day workshop called, “How Does Your Engine Run? --The Alert Program for Self- Regulation.” My daughter, an occupational therapist, had been sharing with me the incredible impact that this program has had with the children in school and home. I was thrilled to be able to attend this workshop with her as it has changed my view of children’s behavior forever. The facilitators were Mary Sue Williams and Sherry Shellenberger, both occupational therapists with over 20 years experience working with a variety of children, parents and teachers in urban and rural schools as well as clinic, home and camp settings. They have focused on developing practical ways to teach people of all ages how to incorporate sensory processing theory into every day living. Sensory processing is the way we take in information through our senses. The facilitators shared with the participants why it is important to support children’s ability to “attain, maintain and change their levels of alertness.” “There is a state of alertness that can be considered optimal for learning. In this state children are alert and attentive, they have a ‘sparkle’ in their eyes, their muscles are not droopy and they concentrate with little effort.”
It was Patricia Wilbarger who coined the phrase “sensory diet” to describe the brain’s need for sensory and motor input, just as our bodies require a nutritional diet. We get this input from senses we are familiar with. These include touch, taste, sight, hearing and smell, as well as senses we are less familiar with such as movement and heavy muscle and joint work (i.e. pushing, pulling, or moving against resistance). Without input from our senses, our brains experience sensory deprivation. When we give ourselves sensory and motor input, we feel alert and attentive. An analogy presented at the workshop compared our bodies to cars. Just like in a car, our bodies have an engine that runs in “high,” “low,” and “just right” gears. The ability to “shift between gears” is called “self-regulation.”
In the morning, my husband wakes up in low gear. He is quite “sluggish” and takes a long time to get himself going. He works at home and must get working as soon as possible to perform a wide range of business tasks that require him to attend to world news and feedback in the financial markets. He, like all of us, has a morning routine that he uses to help himself shift gears from low to just right so he can perform at an optimum level. He uses the following sensory strategies in his routine: he puts something in his mouth (eats crunchy cereal and drinks a cup of tea), movement (walks up and down many steps that lead to his office) and taps into his sense of touch (takes a long, shower). This “sensory” routine helps him get his engine or nervous system into full gear. I, on the other hand, wake up each morning in high gear. I get out of bed immediately after waking up and I have a lot of energy. Like my husband, I have a morning routine that incorporates the following sensory strategies: Put something in my mouth (eat hot, smooth oatmeal, drink a cup of coffee, and chew a piece of gum), movement ( an exercise program on the treadmill). This routine helps me get my body just right so I can feel comfortable and ready to start my enjoyable yet demanding day.
If you stop to think of what you do each day to get your body in the just right gear to perform your best, you might do any combination of things. Once we as adults figure out what helps us to perform better, we will become more sensitive to what helps our children perform better.
In any one of our classrooms at HJC, we see children who have a need to put something in their mouths in order to listen more attentively. The teachers provide pretzels, cheerios, or just straws for the children so they can get the oral motor exercise they need. Other choices for parents whose children are chewing or sucking on things would be to have children drink fluids through an exercise water bottle (with a straw) or a “crazy straw” or drink a thickened milk shake or applesauce through a straw (it requires a lot of effort to get the thick drink or food through the straw). You can also provide a crunchy or chewy snack. This provides the children’s brains with the oral motor stimulation their body is seeking and helps them get their personal engines into just right gear.
There are some children in school who require a lot of movement in order to attend. While a story is being read, these children might be rocking in place or pacing around the room. Formerly, we might have looked at this behavior as a discipline problem, but in actuality, the children are doing exactly what they need to do in order to attend to the story. I have begun to suggest to teachers to exercise with the children throughout the day. For children who are high gear and need to settle down exercise provides an outlet to discharge some of their energy. You may want to consider adding a movement into your daily routines: give children “heavy muscle work” jobs to do such as taking out the heavy garbage, sweeping the floor, or scrubbing the table clean. Also, consider starting the day with a few minutes of stretching or jumping and crashing on the bed to a favorite song.
As parents, we tend to use a behavioral approach to help our children behave. For example, “If you behave when we go to the grocery store, I will get you a milkshake (or a toy).” This behavioral approach is inefficient because it only works for a brief period of time. The next time you go to the grocery store, consider trying a sensory-driven approach. Give the milkshake (with a straw) or any sensory tool (a toy to fidget with in the hands, a crunchy or chewy snack, a job to do so children can move, a ride in the cart) while you are shopping to help children keep their engines running “just right.” It takes a lot less effort and energy for you and your children to use a sensory tool as compared to a reward strategy. More importantly, it will work more often and with more consistency!
We are fortunate that the teachers in our nursery school teach the children by having the children use all their senses. It behooves us as educators and parents to recognize and encourage each child’s style of staying alert. I have looked at children’s behavior in a whole new way and look forward to helping the teachers in our nursery school continue to do the same.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
During Susie Meisler’s sabbatical the Bulletin is reprinting previously published articles.
“If we are to achieve a richer culture, rich in contrasting values, we must recognize the whole gamut of human potentialities, and so weave a less arbitrary social fabric, one in which each diverse human gift will find a fitting place.”
Margaret Mead
Throughout the years that I have been a director, I have come to see many changes in our preschool educational system. Perhaps one of the biggest changes I have seen is the growing number of children who have special needs in our classrooms. Our school is blessed to have teachers who are working hard to understand the neuro-developmental level of each child. The staff is also working with parents and specialty teachers that come to our school each day so that we can meet the learning needs of each child and thereby enhance their strengths in order to preserve the hope for their future, Due to our educational policy of inclusion, we as a staff have grown as professionals.
Most of our classes have become inclusion classes. Inclusion refers to the commitment to educate each child to the maximum extent possible, as equal members in a society in which all children are given the same opportunities to reach their potential. Inclusion is not simply about placing a child with special needs in a regular classroom. Inclusion, according to Susan Astor, M.S. Special Education, is about how we deal with diversity in our society and how we deal with, or avoid dealing with, our own differences, weakness, and fears
According to Dr. Mel Levine in his book One Mind At A Time, “Each of us is endowed with a highly complex, inborn circuitry - --creating innumerable branching pathways of options and obstacles. While some of us have brains that are wired to handle a lot of information at once, others have brains that can absorb and process only a little information at a time.” This is just one example of how complicated our brains are and how everyone’s brains are wired differently. In our society we all live with minds wired to excel in one area and fail in another. I am therefore less concerned about the label that some of our children at school are given like ADD {Attention Deficit Disorder} or PDD {Pervasive Development Disorder} because I am focused more on how we can help these children function in an environment that is sensitive to their needs.
Many of our staff members have taken workshops on how to detect children who seem our of sync in the class. We have learned how to include parents in our daily observations of their child and have encouraged parents to go for a full eurodevelopmental screening. In recent years, the teachers at HJC have gone to meetings with a variety of specialty teachers from the child’s school district so that a course of action appropriate to the child’s needs could be met. We therefore have many occupational, speech, and physical therapists coming to our school to service the child who needs physical, emotional, and social or educational help. The parents and our entire staff are in agreement that early intervention in our nursery school is critical.
I have watched children who were non- verbal at the beginning of the school year develop their speaking skills through therapy and have full conversations with their friends at the end of the school year. There were children who did not have a clue how to interact with other classmates and were taught these skills by their occupational therapists. By the end of the year these children had developed close friendships. It is so heartwarming to all of the staff to watch the slow and steady growth of children who might have struggled through their elementary school years had they not been part of a school that believed I early intervention and inclusion. We are certain that the years children spend at our nursery school become a strong foundation for their future success in school, their development of selfesteem ant their ability to relate to people in their lives.
The process of inclusion and the encouragement of each individual child allow each person to develop his or her talents or gifts. Our staff has come to realize that the greater the diversity in our classes the richer our capacity to create a more humane and caring society. We are committed to continue our own learning of how each child takes in information and functions so that each child will find success in life.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
“We’re all good at something
You’ll have your chance to shine.
Everybody’s a star, a brilliant creation
The trouble is finding the right constellation”
Katie Couric
I recently sat in the Book Revue Store reading the new children’s book by Katie Couric, anchor woman for NBC news. The book is entitled the Blue Ribbon Day, and I loved the message her new book shared with children and parents. I couldn’t wait to write some of my feelings in regard to what Katie Couric shares with her readers.
The book is about two girl friends who try out for the soccer team. One girl makes the team because she is very coordinated and the other girl does not. The girl who doesn’t make the team is devastated and goes to her mother who consoles her. The mom states, “Don’t worry I know you are sad, but you couldn’t feel good if you never feel bad.” Those words touched a nerve for me as I have often heard from psychologists and my very own parents that if you do not experience pain in your life, you cannot grow as a person, often stated as this expression, “no pain, no gain.”
The other message so wonderfully stated in the book is that each child has strengths that define who that child is. It is up to the child to discover those strengths in all of his/her life’s experiences and it is for parents to encourage children to pick themselves up from adversity and try something else so they can explore their own uniqueness.
Many, many years ago when I was in high school, I ran for the president’s position in the sorority where I was a member. At the very last minute my best friend decided to run for the same position. I was devastated when she won the election since I had never lost at anything I tried out for. This made it very difficult for me to forgive my friend for her decision to oppose me in the election. My wise parents told me that there will be many opportunities for me to shine and that I should be happy for my friend who was elected. I still hold that time in my life dear to my heart because it encouraged me to figure out other avenues in high school I could excel in and so I did. It also showed me that in life, things don’t always go your way, and it is those bumps in life that give you empathy and compassion for others in similar situations. Many years later, we are still best friends.
When my older daughter was in high school she came home one afternoon to tell me that everyone of her friends made cheerleading except her, I related my own high school story to her with great understanding of the depth of disappointment she was experiencing. I told her to remember that many years after I experienced the disappointment of losing an election, I tried out for the position of President of the PTA in my children’s elementary school and was appointed to the office.
It is a natural reaction for parents to want their child to have everything go their way. Why wouldn’t we want to see our children happy all the time? We must remember the three simple rules of life. 1. Life is not going to go your way all the time. 2. Get over it, and 3 Learn to handle life’s disappointments with some grace. You might have seen some adults who didn’t learn these lessons in their early years when they should have.
These adults hang out in airports and yell at the airline agents to stop the lightning and thunder that is holding up their plane from taking off. You might see them in restaurants when they are told that their table will be ready in 5 minutes and walk out because this is too long a time for them to wait. And you most certainly have seen the adults who drive on the road and forget that the red light is for them too!!.
I once heard an early childhood lecturer ask her audience if we as parents want our children to feel they are special. Almost the entire audience of early childhood educators raised their hands. It is much better, she stated, to have your children feel unique. Special connotes something above, something better. Herein lies the problem. Your child is special to you, but this is different from being special to everyone. All children are unique and incredibly valuable. They are priceless, just like the commercial says about some moments in life. I always tell parents in my parenting support groups to honor the soul of your child so that one day they can honor the souls of others.
Each of us has strengths and qualities that set us apart from others. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if all of us knew that we are all worthy of being treated with dignity, respect and kindness, then none of us can be more special than another. Humility is definitely a virtue in these times and Katie Couric was brilliant in writing a book that addresses the issue of life’s bumps and finding your own constellation so that hopefully children can learn these lessons early in life.
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
The Sabbatical year in the Bible demonstrates the nature of Israelite society as a communitarian, agricultural society. As the name suggests, the Sabbatical year is tied to the biblical concept of the Sabbath, the seventh day of the week and a time of rest. I have been truly blessed to have been given a three month leave of absence, a sabbatical, for my 24 years of work as a nursery school director at Huntington Jewish Center. I come back with a renewed sense of my professional purpose, physically re-energized, and greatly appreciative of the meaning of the fourth commandment, “thou shall keep the Sabbath day.”
This past January, I was struggling to imagine how I would be able to leave the daily tasks I perform as director of the nursery school and spend my time with activities I have longed to do for years—travel to far away places, read during the daytime hours instead of the night time, and visit other nursery schools to glean information that would be beneficial for my staff and the children. Through the years I have preached to many of the parents that it is critical to take moments during the day and week to stop and reflect, take in the moment, and spend time in a quiet space so that you can hear your own voice. I have known for years that I suffer from separation anxiety, but this time I would follow my own advice and let things roll as they may. For the first month of my sabbatical, my husband and I sublet an apartment in New York City and took full advantage of what the city has to offer. We took in 11 Broadway shows, all the major museums, walking tours to areas we have never visited, more than a dozen movies and some concerts. I managed to encourage my husband to leave work early each day so that we could share the breath of New York City together and begin a process of connecting during this gift of time I was afforded.
I was also able to visit a variety of schools in the city that I learned much from: the JCC Nursery School on 76th street, the 92nd Street Y Nursery School, the Bank Street School, and the River Valley Day Care Center. I also had a visit with the newly renovated nursery school in the Community Synagogue of Port Washington. It was a joy to meet and speak at great length with the directors of these schools and learn about the philosophy of each one. I got to see the children and the teachers in action and reconfirmed for myself that there is no better profession than early childhood education as we are part of raising the world’s future.
When we left the city, my husband and I packed again and took off to New Zealand for over two weeks. The trip was a long one, but well worth the journey. We concentrated our trip to the South Island where the Lord of the Rings was filmed. The country literally took my breath away with its stunning beauty. The South Island is filled with lakes and mountains. There are the mountains of diverse beauty, such as those of the Fiordland and Mount Aspiring National Parks---the former presenting a daunting topography carved from erosion-resistant granites, the latter a less steep land formed from more brittle schist. Ice, wind and rain have continued to work these landscapes, but the most important influence on the shape of the mountain, basin and range, was the advance and retreat of the glaciers and ice sheets these past 2 million years.
Each day was an adventure. We first had to refresh our memory on how to drive on the other side of the road. Each day’s drive made us realize that there were more sheep in New Zealand than people. Most towns were extremely small and miles apart from one another. Between each town, there were miles and miles of mountain ranges, farm land, and lakes and very few people. My husband and I climbed every mountain we could find. There were temperate rain forest mountain hikes with raging rivers on one side and plush foliage on the other with a surprise view of glaciers when we reached the top. We saw more rainbows, waterfalls, seals, sheep, cows and dolphins than I have seen in my life time and heard the songs of more birds than I could have ever dreamed of. Jay and I even braved a glacier hike where there was an ice storm at the top of the mountain awaiting us. I crossed two swinging bridges that allowed one person at a time to go. On one crossing while looking down at the rapids below as the bridge kept swinging I asked myself the question, “Are you kidding doing this at your age?!” We saw the first bridge where the bungee jump was created. There I witnessed many young kids jumping off into the ice cold water below and bouncing back up with the same speed. I learned that if you are 65 years old, you jump for ½ price and when you turn 70 you go for free. That might be an incentive for me to return in 10 years! One of our stops was Abel Tasman National Park. We stayed at a fantastic Eco Lodge in the park. The only way to get to the shore was by jumping out of the water taxi into the choppy water. Thank goodness we didn’t have to carry our 4 suitcases while we did this. I did not rest much while I was there but my continuing search for spirituality, nature’s beauty and God’s miracles filled my soul.
Returning home was joyous as well. I spent the last few weeks of my sabbatical with my family, savoring my time with my granddaughter, learning that I will be blessed with another grandchild in September and discovering once again how enchanted I am with my husband, a feeling that sometimes gets lost in the daily grind of life.
I am more certain now than ever that my advice to parents to take some time away from routines so that they can refresh themselves and revisit their sense of priorities remains a sound one. Staying in the moment heals the need for people to connect in the most meaningful way and renews the music in their soul. My sabbatical was a blessing I will long remember and treasure. I want to thank the Board for allowing me this time. Most of all I want to thank Bernice R., Ilene B. and my entire staff for giving me peace of mind while I was away and for taking over my many responsibilities that I have now lovingly resumed!
by Sue Meisler, Nursery School Director
“Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning,
but a going on, with all the wisdom that
experience can instill in us.”
Hal Barland
It is always a difficult task for me to say goodbye at the end of the year to all the families who will be leaving us because their children are moving into their elementary school years. It is both hard and exciting to watch the children who will remain in our school move away from their present classrooms, teachers and friends and into the next phase of our nursery school experience. They grow up so fast and before we can blink, this glorious stage of their lives is gone. Oh if we could only hold on to it just a wee bit longer!
It was Annie Sullivan who said that “love is something like the clouds that were in the sky before the sun came out. You cannot touch the clouds, you know, but you feel the rain and know how glad the flowers and the thirsty earth are to have it after a hot day. You cannot touch love either, but you feel the sweetness that it pours on everything.” Her words make me feel that much of what goes on in our daily connection with all the beautiful children at our school throughout the year is about love. I learned at the beginning stage of my career that teachers, who love children deeply, will work hard to give confidence, encouragement, a listening ear and good values to the children gifted to them for a year. This in turn will help to insure their future. The academics are important as well, but the skills that make them lovable, kind, cooperative, loyal, responsible and generous of spirit, are far more valuable tools for guiding them through life.
The teachers in our classrooms made sure to look at each child as an individual while always keeping expectations realistic. Our staff gave the children a chance to make errors and time to discover how to change these mistakes into successful experiences. There were opportunities for children to make choices and evaluate what selection they made. All children were encouraged to play and have fun with the wide variety of materials set out for them each day. Most importantly, children were given a large amount of time to socialize and learn how to make friends and sustain them. We sang, danced, held hands, laughed, hugged, played hard and made sure that all the children had a sense of their own purpose and identity. We end this year with hearts full of gratitude for all the parents who have supported our efforts throughout the year. It is because of your belief in our philosophy and your time and support throughout the year that we were able to accomplish all that we set out to do with your incredible children.
I leave you with a passage written by a teacher who reflects what my staff and I feel each year at this time.
“We sow the seeds on the other side of the water
and never see the harvest turn to flower.
Yet we dance in the colors of the day
and know the power of the bursting bud.
We teach the children to sing,
though we will hear the song but faintly,
falling away across the water.
And the loud applause
will not sound for us.
Only the soft stirrings of peace
in the children’s hearts
and the thunder of the ages in their veins.”
Linda Rhody
I want to take the time to thank Jennifer and Marilyn and my entire Parent Association for working so hard this year. Through their efforts our school has